valentine blues

thank God, valentines day is over.

i could have frozen myself to skip a day, but the thing is... i survived it.

today marks the first valentine's day that i'm going steady... opps.. seriously steady with somebody. a couple of months ago, i was anticipating a great Vday.

but as it gets nearer, my dream dozen of roses has gotten materially paler until this morning... it just totally disappeared.

a dozen of velvety red lustful roses.

last year i spent valentines day less the stress. spent it with tesimae over a fancy salad platter. i even got home with a long-stemmed red rose. a nice consolation for fabulous, single achievers like us courtesy of the restaurant.

okay, has anybody here doesn't associate red roses with valentines day?

geezzz... i cant imagine myself getting this cynical and bitter but it has really gotten under my skin. and now it's an official hang-up.

hunney said he cant send me flowers. thought that was absoulutely okay, as in "no-big-deal-that's-okay-i-can-understand-you-are-so-far-how-will-the-flowers-be-delivered-to-me-i-am-on-the-other-side-of-the-world" thing.

but here i am, in my first Vday with him, spending it alone and empty-handed.

can i cry? so loud until the tears flow heavily, heavy enough that i won't see anything and wont even notice that there's something missing on this day.

a dash of argument, simmered in a pan of flaming, burning emotions, and a pint of longingness, perfect ingredients to make me bleed today. and oh, dont put flowers in the scene as it will spoil the recipe.

it's 5pm now and officially 2008 Vday will be declared a history... such a painful event.

never thought i will hate valentine's day this much.

kill me please. just for today.

and may i reiterate: valentine's day, just like my birthday, meant equally important to me.