and so the aftermath
been confronted by so many questions lately. the hard thing is that i could hardly sleep at night.
an article says you cannot feel sadness and anger at the same time. it has to be either you feel sad OR you feel mad at a given point. practically, it's easier to feel sad. simply because you still have a future to look forward to. and simply because you want to move on and forget. it's hard to move on when you still have thorns in your wound. at least, a wound alone can heal in time. yeah, and then a scar that is something to look back and will remind you of a lesson and bitter-sweet memories.
and soon after a blazing storm comes the aftermath. that's even more tragic than when the thing is happening. at the heat of the moment you cannot react, we'll something that's true for me. and after the storm are the ruins and you wonder how it happened that fast... not even a sign from nature. and then you will feel devastated because wherever you look at, there are the things which remind you of everything: your firsts, the laughters you've shared, the dreams you've built, the conversations you once wished not to end. and though unsolicited, there are the scents, the hymns and the images that bring you back the memories.
now you feel alone and all soiled and don't know where and how to start back to square one.
truth is, i'm not terribly hurt. luckily for me, and it's phenomenal: i saw it coming. i saw the small cracks in the bridge and i have witnessed how it dramatically gone worse... and i was there when the bridge started to give in. the villagers said the bridge we created is so weak it cannot handle the force of point A and point B pulling opposite each other. we should have waited some time to make the foundations stronger and more ready to weather whatever comes its way. true enough.
Leaf: I am the leaf. Please ask me to stay.
Tree: ok
Leaf: How can i ever cling to your twigs? I need nourishment from you!
Tree: well
Leaf: The wind keeps on blowing, the caterpillar is eating me... I can't stand it anymore.
Tree: hmmm
Leaf: You haven't talked too much lately. Anything wrong?
Tree: No, nothing.
Leaf: Then I shall leave. I cannot make you happy anymore. You deserve to be happy.
but what if the tree was in pain too? and was harboring complaints which he was not able to say? but how would the leaf know?? how can you know something that you were not told about?
perhaps when all the answers to my WHY's are complete, i am already fully recovered. i would gladly embrace the tree and will thank him for letting me go. we will rebuild the bridge again, will meet once in while to see how each other is doing.
//mich
04.26.08
Labels: breakup, fight, heartache, love, relationships
posted by -=mich=- @ 10:57 AM
2 Comments:
it says on ur blog that you are a sojourner... someday you will find a place where ur journey eventually ends. trees grow new leaves. it sheds leaves which it doesnt need anymore. if u ask me, i think you're more of a tree than a leaf. you lose some leaves in order to gain a few more healthier ones.
wanna share this with u. i made this posting on my blog a few weeks after a past relationship of mine ended.
"u get used to the absence i guess. u get used to the fact that somehow, life does move on and u leave things behind for a reason. sometimes u think that u cannot possibly go on with life if u lose THAT someone. and yet u find urself, a few weeks later after going thru one of the grayest days of ur life still going on. hurting and sad. but still at it. in fact, amazingly, the tears that u once thot wudnt dry up has suddenly stopped falling. i mean, yes, you stil feel extremely sad but somehow, for some reason, u can't bring urself to cry anymore. yes. the feeling of missing someone remains. i guess its normal. maybe someday soon, the missing will stop. it has to at some point. like the tears falling, maybe just maybe it will go away too.
once i thot i cudnt live a day without talking to you. guess again. maybe i underestimated myself. or maybe, this is me, finally giving myself a chance again at life. without you."
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