I am but a sojourner....

sadness is underrated

2010-03-17T10:46:00.002+08:00

yeah, it's underrated.

i experienced it myself. cried for almost 24 hours straight til i cant open my eyes anymore. in between the tears im mocking myself to let it all out till my tear duct runs dry, forced myself to promise not to cry anymore - this shall be the last.

it's underrated. when sad, you also feel fear, insecurity, self-pity. some say when you're sad, all you can see is black - thought this was just a figure of speech. but that's true. your tastebuds shut down, you feel numb, you can't move, you dont want to see light. because light is an insult to what you feel. someone said "we dont move on, we just get used to the pain." so true.

women, when offered a morsel and enjoyed it, that morsel becomes part of her. until he reveals that the morsel's intended for somebody else. is there anything more painful than that? darn.

then you run to your friends. you search for a good book, you try to discover a new music album, something new. if someone tells me that there's a new store that at least specializes in healing the bruises sustained by my heart, i'll dash off.

i told my friend who's gone through a painful breakup as well, and i shared this with her: maybe it was all written at the palm of your hands. that no matter how you evade it, it will definitely happen. it's part of your design. you were born with it. if it weren't that asshole, it could be somebody else. part of that pain, a lesson was supposed to be learned.

months ago, i kept on praying to Him: if things doesn't work as i love it to be, please God don't make it too painful. i guess He heard it. 24 hrs and lingering aftershocks that lasts until now.

i also thank God that He made me meet wonderful people in the midst of this exigency. people who keep on reminding me what my worth is. the secret to not feeling sad, according to joey, is knowing your value as a person. when you know your worth as a person, you'll be convinced that you deserve something else, if not more. so true.

i value other people's feelings. i know how to care. i can love. i am lovable. if you don't take me, good luck if you can find someone better. -- say this mantra everyday until you start feeling good.

but yeah, the pain still lingers, it stays. nothing you can do but to enjoy it, bathe in your misery and enjoy it while it lasts. because sadness, based on a recent study, makes a person more gullible, improves your ability to judge others and also boosts memory. not bad, eh?

as i end this, let me share with you my favorite sadness line:

"Sadness is easier because it's surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free" -- Claire Colburn, Elizabethtown

let's dance and celebrate this roller coaster ride. :) until the next crying marathon!

/mich
san andres bukid
03.17.10

goodbye MJ :'(

2009-06-27T15:08:00.005+08:00

One day in your life
You'll remember a place
Someone touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around you
One day in your life
You'll remember the love you found here
You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day ...

news spread faster than the H1N1 virus. MJ is dead. it didn't sink in to me until i had the chance to sit down and face youtube and watch him and his moonwalk.

thanks Jacko for the music, my sister and i grew up with you. these are the songs we kept on listening at home from school. these are the songs that helped us appreciate and understand the meaning of harmony, beat, and rhythm.

farewell Michael, you will definitely be missed.

and i quote: "what a waste of dream.."

2009-06-19T09:59:00.004+08:00

i was having strange dreams lately. so let me recall my top three all-time memorable dreams:

3rd: i was riding a tricycle with Cesar Mancao. knowing that he's a state witness, i was aware that he has lots of death threats. so i was so afraid... then the trike driver motioned something to someone and i know that's the queue. then i saw a car chasing us from behind. it was a funeral hearse which is running backwards to chase us.. then a man, armed with a pistol came out of the window and started poking the gun to Cesar Mancao. i was sooo afraid! it took like a lifetime -- the gun-poking. i was afraid the guy could miss his target and shoot me instead. then at a split-second, the hearse was left behind us and then i immediately jumped out of the trike and then i run away. i was led to a market.. walked continuously until i reached the market parking lot. outside was cloudy and windy. i opened my umbrella and then it turned inside out. :) the end.

According to DreamForth, to dream that you are being chased, signifies that you are avoiding a situation that you do not think is conquerable. It is often a metaphor for some form of insecurity.
To see a gun in your dream , symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence.
Whether you are driving the car or a passenger, is indicative of of your active role or passive role in your life. If you are in the backseat of the car, then it indicates that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over. This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence.

could be true. i've been so idle lately and having not so much to do makes me insecure with my job and career.

2nd: i was so bored, having not much work to do in the office, i decided to go visit LA. upon arriving in LA, i looked to my right and then to the left and i realized i dont have anything to do in this place. so i headed back to the airport and went back home. :) the end.

based on my research, To dream that you are in a deserted city or that you feel alienated from the activity of the city, then it suggests that you feel rejected by those around you.

probably yes, because lately i feel rejected by a racist american customer. he has prejudice on non-americans with non-american accent.

1st: there is a jolly horse playing with me. and then he (or she) positioned his (or her) anus in front of my face and then inserted my face right inside his anus. i was gasping for air and i struggled to be released. little did i know that my friend horse is smiling with satisfaction. :) the end.

This dream i had before i went to LA to visit my then BF, Henry.

Dreaming of a horse, according to an interpreter means:

Represents travel and freedom
New directions and discoveries
Assertiveness

To see a black or dark horse in your dream, signifies mystery, wildness, and the unknown. You may be taking a chance or gamble at some unknown area. It may even represents occult forces.

hahaha! so strange indeed! :))

ephemeral bliss

2009-06-01T10:02:00.004+08:00

having diagnosed myself with a "vacation deficit disorder", i decided to take a week vacation which i filed as early as March to give me time to fix burnout.

a week before my vacation i got so excited about the IE8 Run, a fun run sponsored by Microsoft. i signed-up for the event and practiced as much as i can to prepare me for the 4-mile run.

5 days without work, wooohooo!!

Here's how i spent it:
1. had a self-evaluation
2. evaluated my relationship with my family and dear friends
3. ate Japanese (maki and ramen! slurrpp!)
4. had tender moments with Fabrice every 4am till he gives up (it's his 10pm onwards)
5. run, run, run (using my new Nike Free 5.0) along Roxas Blvd.
6. watched, watched, watched

and on the day i woke up for the fun run, my neck finally gave up.. CRACCKKK. i could hardly move my neck, it's really, really painful. i realized i missed stretching my neck before running.

too bad i had to beg off for the fun run and as an added bonus, i grew another cold sore on my upper lip. GRROOSSSS.

what a vacation.

it's monday again and i declare that my vacation is officially over, and i'm gonna embrace the challenges and stress again starting tonight.

stoic calm

2009-05-06T02:38:00.004+08:00

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." (iii.24.2) - EPICTETUS

Lately I've been consumed by work. I have no complaints, i'm stoic. My inspiration is Epictetus.

But in as much as tell myself that I have to be indifferent with emotions and focus purely on work, which is the most rational thing to do, there is a small nerve, so minute and needs to be magnified by a high-powered lens, that keeps on wailing and protesting and telling me to relive my passion, particularly in writing.

Apparently this little nerve talked to my bro to conspire with him and convince me to write again.

I know the plot. Jay talked to me one morning to break the news that his wife is conceiving their first after 4 years! I felt elated, I forgot I'm a stoic.

i lost my guard off and then he asked me why am I not writing anymore. If I were in my stoic state, I could have answered, "yeah, busy. It's a rat-race here. Don't have time for this cheesy stuff. Why?"

But his overture about them having a baby soon and me becoming the godmother of their first born is like a hammer to crack me off my shell.

being a stoic, I make sure that everything is a cycle. The Hydrologic Cycle (popularly known as Water Cycle) will feel threatened by its popularity.

Mich Lifestyle Cycle:

wake up -> office -> work, work, work -> go home -> eat something nutritious -> watch news -> sleep -> wake up -> and so on.

if I will break the cycle, my cells will get disturbed, so much so that I might have cancer.

Nothing to blog about my lifestyle. The only break I can get is when I go home and visit my brothers, and see Tricia and Tonette.

Amidst the busy life I have, I already gave birth to this yearning of having kids soon. This is very embarrasing to admit. But with Fabrice in the picture, having beautiful kids is not far from impossible. *wink*

The truth I learned is that no matter how much you'd like to stay in the momentum there will be times that you need to break the monotony, not because you want but because harmony requires you to slow down.

I was wrong when I said i'm stoic. As much as i'd like to be one, I dont think I can live with that.

I know i'm passionate. Being passionate means giving your 100% in everything you do. I always give my 100%. It's just that i'm not doing everything lately.

So part of me waking up from my long slumber, I am now back to the blog world.

Weird Fishes -- Radiohead

2009-03-17T07:32:00.001+08:00

call me grumpy and cranky

2009-03-10T10:28:00.001+08:00

Lately for some reasons I feel like I'm becoming cranky. Hormonal changes is a good excuse for this but I would take being idle in the office as the main culprit.

For 2 weeks now I'm a certified office bum. There are little favors from US counterparts but it's just a few small things to do, some are verifications about the job I did last month. If I work slowly I'll be assured of 3-week busy mode but of course I won't do that.

Boss tells us that February and March are lousy months primarily because of the financial meltdown and most deals will close on last week of March.

Okay, so I'm idle. And being idle gives me the privilege of hearing the call sessions of my douche bag seatmate. I want to stone her to death. Seeing her talking and walking around the office primarily insults my existence in that place. And a part of my brain asking me: Hey what are you doing here??

See that. I'm becoming cranky again.

Then I talked to Fabby.

I told him the truth as early as now, better he knows early before he comes here:

I have cranky moments.
I hate human interaction sometimes.
I don't make friends easily.
I easily get irritated and annoyed.
Especially when i lack sleep and hungry.
I have a strong character.
If i want something but is completely irrational, you don't have to concede.
Same here, if you want something that I think is not rational I will definitely disagree.

If ever you encounter this in the future, let me know.

Tell me that not everything will work my way.
It's not always all about me.
I need to be considerate of the situation im in.
If i dont pacify, repeat it and say it to my face.
If it doesn't work, have the liberty to yell at me.
Until i stop.
And realize that it's not all about me.
That you are also there in that situation and we both have the same complaints.

"Will you listen?", that's all he asked. Fabby is very patient and calm.

"Yes. When i shut up, that means I heard you and processing what you said. I will listen.... But please be patient with me."

"Okay, not a problem with me."

But don't worry, Ionly become cranky when I'm pushed to the limits.

Extremely bored.
Extremely sleepy.
Extremely annoyed by an exasperating voice, accent, grammar, and crappy spelling from somebody who claims she's smart.
Extremely unproductive.
Extremely stressed.
Extremely jealous.
Extremely frustrated.

And Fabby is a surefire modern-day signature tranquilizer. Lucky me!

Circadian Rhythm

2009-03-06T01:08:00.007+08:00

Working on a nightshift only means 2 things: you either lack sleep (blame Facebook) or get a plethora.

Last week I just had more or less than 30 hours of sleep. This week I’m getting 10 hours average in a day.

All my friends are saying my life is abnormal. I kept on denying it and in fact my skin didn’t dry-off, physically I’m okay. I get myself to befriend fruits and veggies and kept inviting them during meals and I jog (but lately I’m as lazy as a sloth). I'm not saying I’m enjoying jogging but I have plenty of time to do it in the morning. Plus, I got plenty of time talking to Fabby everyday, (he’s in Belgium, 7 hours difference).

My weekend starts at 8am every Saturday, will sleep from 4 or 5 or 6PM and will wake up from 2 or 3 or 4AM on Sunday.

This schedule allows me to go pimp myself with my jogging attire and will dash off to Baywalk for some air.

Also, if I'm going to visit my family I can arrive in Bulacan early.

But..

Yeah, it’s abnormal.

There are times when, forcing my self to sleep, under the influence of melatonin capsule of course, I get to feel how bad my situation is. My boss kept on telling me that it’s okay to work on an odd shift, I get to see sunrise everyday.

But when nothing to do here in the office than listen to the ailing English of my douchebag seatmate (His [referring to a girl client] pormula [p/f syndrome] to the pilds [p/f syndrome, subject-verb agreement] … blah, blah, blah [and many more] and her exasperating daily “what’s the spell of …” which I'm very tempted to answer: “Ok bitch, read my lips: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C-I-M-B-E-C-I-L-E." For sure she will accept my answer; I bet my one month salary she doesn’t have any clue.

But wait there’s more. At the corner of my eye, I can see her striking the keyboard with her pinky finger at the highest she can lift. A mosquito perched on your skin will get jealous on how graceful it was raised. So basically she’s just using 4 fingers to type.

If things go on like this and my boss will not keep me busy, i will become the most successful critic among my contemporaries, so successful I can retire next week.

Yeah, this is abnormal. I'm not a morning person, but I miss the morning lifestyle.

cellular memory

2008-12-10T10:55:00.003+08:00

i've heard about a very important discovery. heard about cellular memory?

"it's the memory of your cellular phones where you save your contacts?" --- hmmm... yeah, close... but hmmm... NO.

"something similar to memory foam?" --- hmm.. make another guess.

"memory?" --- shut up now.

Cellular memory is the hypothesis that such things as memories, habits, interests, and tastes may somehow be stored in all the cells of human bodies, not only in the brain.

***********************************************************************

Shocking examples of cellular memory

Professor Gary Schwartz's findings are backed up by Dr Paul Pearsall, author of The Heart's Code, a book dealing with the same phenomenon.

Their casebook also includes:

A woman who was terrified of heights until she was given the lungs of a mountain climber. Dottie O'Connor, from Massachusetts, is now a climber.
A seven-year-old girl had nightmares about being killed after being given the heart of a child who had been murdered.
Paul Oldam, a lawyer from Milwaukee, received the heart of a 14-year-old boy and inherited his craving for Snickers.
And a man of 25 received a woman's heart and, to his girlfriend's delight, now wants to go shopping all the time.

***************************************************************

I dont know if you will buy this idea but to explain this to you in a way you will not have to bleed your nose, it's like when you charge your battery and remove the charger before it's fully charged and you do it several times, later your battery will get used to that power capacity and as if it remembered and got used to the charging that you do regularly. (My nose is bleeding now.)

There are also recorded cases about women who had an abortion, and surprisingly, they could feel an excruciating pain exactly the same as what they felt when they had it, during their anniversary dates. It's like their cells remembered the pain they had suffered during the abortion.

(Hmmm... so if you had four abortions already, then you may experience that 4 times in a year... how about plan your future abortions and make it to coincide to your quarterly bonus? That would be fun!)

But wait, there's more.

For women who suffered miscarriage for more than twice.. i read that the cells remember it and later it recognizes that an embryo is indeed a foreign object to the mother's womb that's why most probably all succeeding pregnancies will be a failure.

Hmm... how about give the cells a temporary memory-loss pill? Just as so they will forget while you are dying to have a baby?

Strange... but this theory has not yet been proven by scientists.

As for me, if i have 3 legs and i decide to donate one (okay okay, say, my father is a tripod..) i would choose somebody who's near Baywalk in Manila because lately I am having this craving for a long walk. I walk from World Trade Center in Buendia, along Baywalk til Pedro Gil and there i will ride a jeep going home. Im not under the influence of any substance, it's just that i really need an exercise. You should try it. Especially now that we are enjoying windy days and I just had my hair rebonded. Then there is a stong gush of wind blowing through my hair and i hold my eyeglasses. And everybody looks at me and says: "What's the world's number one shampoo?" And then i answer: "Syempre head and SHULders."

So if i donate it to somebody from Novaliches it would be very inconvenient for her to go to Baywalk just to walk and concede to the cravings of her new leg's cells..

What? If the donee will also crave for banana, cereals and prunes? Im not sure about that ma'am. Perhaps if I donate half of my tongue.

Hahaha. Corny.

//mich
12.10.08
San Andres Bukid
Manila

globalization thoughts 1

2008-12-06T02:59:00.006+08:00

I caught myself reading this message from a medical thread:

****************************************

Message

 Posted by nikky on November 22, 2000 at 14:26:30: In Reply to: Re: Down Syndrome in African Americans posted by RH on October 16, 2000 at 12:27:23:
 : : I was just curious, does Down Syndrome occur in African American and Asians? I have never encountered or seen an African American person with down syndrome and it led me to wonder whether or not this genetic disorder was designated to a specific race. Is it mainly a white disorder, occuring least often in African Americans and Asians? If anyone could give me an answer or more information that would be great.
: It occurs in all races. In fact, I just encountered a picture and bio of a Chinese child with Down at http://leeworks.net/DDS/
I am african american, and my daughter has downs syndrome. So to answer your question, yes. And the number of instances in blacks are just as much as any other race.
 

**************************************************

i smiled silly. sorry, cant help it. the reason why i was lead to this is because im trying to feed my stupid curiosity and find out what an African with Down Syndrome looks like.

i never thought it can also somebody's question, i.e. what an Asian with Down Syndrome looks like.

Hello! Mahirap man kami may karapatan din kaming magka-down syndrome!!! Hallleeerrr!!!

anyway, curiosity fed. what's next? ahhhmmm..

i wanna know if there are gay people in Africa. :D i just wonder how they look like. Ahihihihi...

i'll tell you as soon as i find the answer.

//mich
12.05.08
3:03am

nocturne

2008-11-24T07:48:00.008+08:00

yeah, you heard it right. I'm on my 5th job.

It's been almost 4 months now. Yeeeyy!!

Jumping from a boring job to this new job with my eyes closed, 4 months working on a night shift was not bad after all. “Humans are born with survival instinct. I am a human. Therefore I have survival instinct. I can survive.”

There is an occasional melancholy… tell me, how could it be not depressing when everybody’s rushing to and fro and I’m there inside my cage doing all sorts and trying to increase my melatonin level at day-time. Oh, and by the way, thanks to my sponsor Sleepasil, keeps me company when I’m supposed to be awake. :o)

This is the art of being nocturnal.

To begin with my survival, I made a research about an important hormone I used to ignore and don’t know anything about for years… MELATONIN.

Melatonin is a hormone responsible in making us feel sleepy. It is triggered by lack of sunlight and peaks up at dawn, from 2 to 4am. And you’re lucky guys I already did the research for you. Do you know that if you want to fall asleep, eating melatonin-rich foods will do the trick: banana, cereals, corn and hot milk?

So one day my roommate got surprised because of the pile of cereal boxes and bananas in the fridge. “Are we nearing dooms-day?”

I don’t know if that stuff keeps me healthy (I guess so) but one thing is for sure: metabolism is an inconceivable terminology when you work on a night shift (at least for me). After 4 months I gained 2 pounds but I don’t know exactly where the additional weight resides. I didn’t grow hairs. My foot size is still the same. Didn’t grow another pair of ears. I don’t know, that’s pretty strange.

Look at the brighter side Mich. Having recognized that mercurial weight I have, I started committing myself to shed off some sweat in small amounts at least 3 times a week, that’s what my best friend Oprah said. And she call’s it interval exercise. Whew! In a world when only a few credibility’s were left, it is only Oprah, Dr. Oz, and Jessica Zafra whom I believe most.

So I was no different than a caged hamster with her treadmill machine.

Here’s the survival program (recommended during the 1^st semester)

1. As soon as you arrive home, turn on TV; watch a crappy anime cartoon show.

2. Take a chance to watch your favourite German Documentaries in Channel 25. If you missed it, exhaust yourself in watching Channel 9 where the only advertisement you can see is the President doing charitable works for the poor.
3. Prepare your meal. Chop 2 pieces of banana, and put in a bowl of fresh milk, put on 7 pieces of pitted prunes, you need it, it’s rich in fiber. Then add 3 tablespoon of cereals.
4. Do an interval exercise for 20 minutes. Don’t cheat.
5. Take a shower.
6. Cover the window with a thick blanket so the light will not pass through.
7. Clean face and apply an eye cream and moisturizer with SPF. Don’t be deceived by the darkness, ultraviolet rays may still be present.
Try to watch crappy news about politics. It can make you fall asleep.
8. Ring Fab. Send him a goodnight message. :x
9. Assess yourself. If you still can’t sleep, you know what to do. Grab Sleepasil.
10. Lie down. After 30 minutes and before you knew it, it’s already time to wake up.

Survival instinct. Sure I can survive this challenge.

//mich
11.24.08
Makati City

birthday blues

2008-11-04T10:50:00.004+08:00

i was looking at my picture folder when i took glance of this photo movie i created as memoir of my 28th birthday.

im turning 30 this year. i started minding it in July.

dreams achieved.
lessons learned.
miles reached.
friends earned.

laughters laughed.
scars collected.
relationships lost.
tears shed.

faces met.
fears endured.
goals set.
wounds cured.

I'm turning 30 now. A new milestone for me.

from friend Jem

2008-08-12T22:49:00.004+08:00

a heartwarming letter written to me by Jepoi...

(copied and pasted in its original form)

08.01.08

Michigurl…

They say true friends are pretty hard to find. I totally disagree. Finding one isn’t like rocket science where you need the exact amount of energy coupled with the perfect aerodynamics to launch it way up into the heavens. Finding friends is more like scurrying about a grassy field, looking for that four-leaf clover. There isn’t really an assurance you will find one, but the mere fact that you know its there, makes you go on and provides you with the will to continue on, trying to find that one, rare creation. There are some of us though, who are born so friggin lucky (irish blood and all) that they find themselves stumbling on an oasis of four leaf clovers… do you get what I’m trying to say? We are your bunch of four leaf clovers… adik.

Anyway… so I was thinking what would be the perfect going away present for you. I thought about asking god to give you more sex appeal, but I figured u actually don’t need anymore. A dash more of sexiness and you would be using Angelina Jolie’s face as a floor mop. Imagine that. And that would mean you and brad pitt going at it. Sans all the adopted kids of them brad and angie… So I thot to myself, NAH… I wont ask God to give her more sex appeal…

Maybe I should ask God to make give her the brain power that would rival that of Ghandi… but I figured, I didn’t want u getting assassinated… So I scratched that off my “ASK FOR MICH FROM GOD” list…

Oh I know… I’ll ask God to give mich more money. That way, she can share her blessings to her less fortunate frends like me, and then everybody else would be happy… But God said.. NAH, cant give her that, it will only turn you clovers (reference to friends) into leeches… (Jeez,where exactly did that come from?!? All the angst…) Anyway, so that didn’t cut it.

And all of a sudden, I had a light bulb moment (special effects: spotlight coming from heaven seemingly pointing on a book I owned authored my Mitch Albom……. Getting the drift ei?)

And there it was… a book. Hahahahaha…

I hate being serious. I hate mushy stuff. But some days, I let my guard down and become the sensitive puffy marshmallow Jem I really am. seriously. There is a sensitive side to me. And for all the lies ive told the world, I am not making this one up.

Thank you for somehow making this sojourn (your favorite word I know) a bit easier. Thank you for making us realize that the most simple joys in life shouldn’t be the pricey stuff… but the moments you get to share your laughter to the world and to make others laugh at the same time. Maybe you just don’t know, but because you came into all of our lives, its shown us that the good still outweighs the bad in this world by a few gazillion times.

Yes… we hate to say it. Urghhh we dread saying it. And theres no point in saying it but for these kinds of moment it just has to be said. We say goodbye because a new chapter is beginning for you and you may not be aware, but for all of us who will be missing you bad. We say goodbye because this is how life is. For some reason, our patch of clover will have learned more about life and your mission is to move on and find other patches of clover that need a tad bit more happiness. And we let you go knowing true well that where ever you go, you would have made a few more people believe that this world aint so bad at all.

Bye… We will see you around FO SHO!!!

Jem

the glory that's eternal

2008-08-12T21:27:00.003+08:00

i was contemplating about my recent resignation.

it was my 2nd company for 2008, the first being Lawson software which i joined just this January only.

everything was perfect. until i got bored. until i started feeling insecure. until i questioned about what will be my future in the company. because suddenly i stopped growing.

then i tendered my resignation. and i can say i'm at the peak of my friendship with all of the Batch 10. i know they love me. when i decided to leave, haydee cried. patrick and aaron said they will support me on whatever decisions i will make but they will for sure miss me. lester didn't want me to leave for he will lose somebody whom he can talk to about our common interest, that is, movies. RJ became more bitchy but i know he felt sad. Bebang didn't want to see me because she said she doesn't want to see me leave. Jem and Enid recorded the lowest EQ point in their history.

on my last day of work, they had so many surprises for me. i was so touched and of course, being a certified cry-baby, i cried. simply because i will miss them too for sure. they became my comfort zone. it's like i'm coming to office everyday to see my family. i'll miss the spontaneity of our funny conversations, the jokes we cracked out of nowhere. i'll miss the wit!

but... in the middle of the fun and comfort, subconsciously, i was all the while looking for the element of anxiety, challenge and a professional atmosphere.

i've been to that situation before... yeah, when i was still working at the bank. everybody became my friends, even my bosses and worse, my auditees. then it came to a point that i'm coming to office not because of work but simply because i want to chitchat with my friends.

moral of the story, anxiety serves as my fuel that will burn my creative juices.

i need anxiety. period. with anxiety to overcome, there is challenge.

so i decided to leave. while everything is perfect. i already reached my saturation point and i dont think i still have a room for growth. and sooner or later, i'll mess up and maybe start complaining that im not happy anymore.

so while there is still glory i'll plot my grandiose exit. hahaha!! that's an epicurian way of looking at it.

"but was it really?", i caught my conscience asking me.

i remember when i was in grade school, i read a short story and that's about a famous actress' mysterious death. everybody in the industry was so shocked upon hearing the news. she was at the peak of her success. the mystery was solved when the investigators found a suicide note. according to the actress... she was at her best and loved by so many and she would like to be remembered by the people as what she is when she ended her life. the investigators kept the note to themselves as respect to her wish.

a grandiose exit.

now i'm thinking if that's the best way to freeze your glory? makes sense. it's like "let's-preserve-the-butterfly-and-put-it-in-a-glass-jar-while-it's-still-colorful" kind of thing.

i also remember my MBA professor telling us about the case of Jollibee (Philippines' no. 1 fast-food chain, so they say). She said Jollibee is nearing a point of saturation. With 627 stores nationwide, i don't think they can still add up some more, unless they discover new strategic locations.

This is the point-of-no-return... when you have no more room for growth because you already reached your peak. you are now at your best! you already achieved your optimum!

if you find the word "bestest" in the dictionary then i'll retract my previous statement. :p

now if you were the actress what else will you do to maintain your glory? hmmm... maybe reinvent yourself? just like what madonna keeps on doing? sounds easy.. but risky.

after the news spread in the office, how ironic that i made additional friends... yup. last minute additional friends. suddenly they became nice to me and wished me well. the most touching scene was when i bade goodbye to my project manager. we just worked together in 2 projects and he said (drum-roll please..) it's sad that i'm leaving the company. he said he likes working with me and he thinks im one of the best in our batch. i was so touched. the catch is, before i started working with him i thought he was an asshole! hahaha!! sorry Sir! :D

was it my way of preserving my glory? or maybe not... that's another way of interpreting it.

i said, my new job is far more exciting and more compensating than Lawson. it's true that i will leave my friends behind, but my concept of friendship has gone mature.

as what i've told Momee Celes, i know myself. i know that i bring my friends with me as i carry on with my life. so no wories. :D

//mich
8.12.08
San Andres, Manila

Batch 10 Rocks!! - Part 2

2008-08-03T18:56:00.006+08:00

I wrote this speech for our Lawson Batch 10 6th-Month Party... delivered by Momee Celes, our hailed batch Valedictorian :-D

They say good friends are hard to find…

They say in your lifetime you must at least have one coffee buddy, one shoulder to cry on and one friend to share the daily laughter.

How come I haven't had a hard time?

Surprisingly, I've found them in this friendship haven called Lawson. Some people can find true friends in the span of their lifetimes… but I'm so lucky I've found them in just 6 months.

These are the guys from all walks of life. A mix blend of cultures, diverse experiences, varied music genres preferences, with EQ levels ranging from 40 to 330. If I'm to classify us, I can make a thousand and one categories: the top 6 among the categories can be the:

1. Jologs-Jologer-Jologest,

2. no-appetite/moderate-appetite/ appetite of a termite,

3. slutty-sluttier-sluttiest

4. light-weight/middle-weight/heavy-weight

5. Lobo viewers/ Grey's Anatomy viewers/Series illiterate

And many more.

And it makes me think… how come we are birds of not the same feathers.. yet we all flock together?

How come a single word spewed out of one's mouth can be understood by all of us and can make us all laugh. How come if I raise my hand without any reason, all of you can understand the necessity to do the same?

I'd like to think of "lukso ng dugo" as the main reason. If we will all be subjected to a regression session, perhaps we'll understand that sometime in our past lives we became all seriously, I mean seriously related with each other by consanguinity or affinity…

Like…

RJ is the aborted child of Mich, when she got impregnated by a Black man Lawrence and Lawrence is married to Celes. Celes has a sister, Dimpz who is the chambermaid of the Kingdom ruled by Rex in the Middle-ages. And they fell in-love with each other and had a secret child which is Jem. Jem and Enid are warriors in the Braveheart era who were captured and starved to death as ordered by Edfel. And so on…

Something like that.

We were people from all walks of life. And I cannot trade it for any modifications or testing job that Ms. Weng can offer. No way.

Years from now… fate has something in-store for all of us. We can never tell. But the world is so small, I never fear that I will lose you in a portion of my memory where only happy and good memories are saved.

Cheers to the friendship we found!!

Batch 10 Rocks!! - Part 1

2008-07-17T22:43:00.009+08:00

It has been 6 months and we Lawson Business Consultant - Batch 10 deserve some merry-making. So Jem and I did some brainstorming and I asked him to extract until the last drop of his creative juices.

So we came up with a party gimmick and that is, holding an Awards Night. So here it goes:

“Unang Hirit Award”

Etong award na to ay mapupunta sa taong una pa gumising ke Arn-arn at ke Arnold Clavio. Adik sya, kasi as if di na sya natutulog. As the saying goes, Sleep is for the weak. Kung never kayo dumating ng 5:45 ng umaga sa office sa buhay nyo, sana naman wag nyo na asahan na sa inyo mapupunta tong award na to…

At ang mga nominado: RJ Danugrao para sa “Gahasain mo ang Lola Ko – Kwento ng Isang Construction Worker Part 55”, Bebang Raflores para sa “Akala Ko, Ako’y Una… Subalit Di Pala”, Enid Ruivivar para sa “The Swanny Swanster Story : bakit mo ko ginawang LSF ang aga-aga pa?” At ang nagwagi…… Enid Ruivivar para sa “The Swanny Swanster Story : bakit mo ko ginawang LSF ang aga-aga pa?"

“Kakambal ang Touch Card nung Ipinanganak Award”

Isa po ito sa mga major awards natin tonight. This goes to the person na nung ipinanganak, dalawa po ang chord na nakapulupot sa leeg nya… isang umbilical chord at isang telephone chord… di pa uso ang wireless kasi nun… kahit di mo na sya pakainin, painumin, papuntahin sa CR, paliguin… wag mo lang tatanggalin ang telepono sa tenga nya…

And the nominees are: Patrick Mendoza para sa pelikulang “Motorola Mola – Bakit Ka Laging Naka-vibramode Mahal?”, RJ Danugrao para sa ”Patayin Nyo Na Ako Please – The Untold Story Of Tancho Talulot…Ikaw ba Yan Ms. Anna?” and the final nominee, Lawrence Lusterio for “Hello? Hello? Magsalita Ka Naman! – Buti Na Lang Me Caller Id Kami Trilogy”.. and the winner is.. RJ Danugrao para sa ”Patayin Nyo Na Ako Please – The Untold Story Of Tancho Talulot…Ikaw ba Yan Ms. Anna?"

”Ano Ang Sinabi Ni JLO sa Wetpaks Ko Award”

This award came about po to give recognition sa isa sa pinakaseksing maglakad sa balat ng Lawson. Ang chismis nga po, insured daw po ang kanyang behind.

At ang mga nominees… Mich Reyes para sa pelikulang “Manhid Sa Kembot – The Zsa Zsa Picadilla Life Story”, Dimpz Agustin para sa ”Kahit Ilang Kembot, Hahamakin ang Lahat – the Uncut Version” and lastly, Haydee Mirador para sa pelikulang ”Bakit Mo Kelangan Halukayin ang Ube Ko? – Kakaluto lang Nyan.” At ang nanalo ay si… Haydee Mirador para sa pelikulang ”Bakit Mo Kelangan Halukayin ang Ube Ko? – Kakaluto lang Nyan."

“Pinatumba Ko ang Lahat ng Smurf Award”

Ito pong parangal na to ay nararapat sa isang miyembro ng Batch 10 na indi naging hadlang ang mga balakid sa buhay upang di nya maabot ang kanyang mga pangarap at ang mga bagay na nakalagay sa mga matataas na lugar. Lets pull a chair ika nga o kaya naman eh meron ba kayong hagdan?, ang kanyang favorite expression…

And here are your nominees… Nenette Vallefas para sa obrang “Ni-Ruler Kita Subalit Sobra – The Star Margarine Chronicles”, Rex Magdamo for the movie ”Mini Me – The True Untold Story” at si Jem Figueroa para sa pelikulang “Anak, Anak… Bakit ka Lumaki ng Ganyan?” At ang nanalo… Nenette Vallefas para sa obrang “Ni-Ruler Kita Subalit Sobra – The Star Margarine Chronicles."

“Pede Ba Kita Gawing Nanay Award”

Binibigyang parangal sa kategoryang ito ang taong bukas palad na tinanggap ang kanyang pagiging ina upang matustusan ang mga pangangailangan ng nakararami. Daig pa nya si tandang sora minsan na kulang na lang eh pati matres nya, ipambayad nya sa grocery me makain lang ang nakararami…

The nominees are… Alma Agustin for the movie ”Kaputol ng Isang Nanay – The Pasig Chainsaw Massacre”, si Rose Macugay para sa “Paano Ba Ang Maging Isang Nanay?” and finally si Ronn Cruz para sa pelikulang “Ang Misteryo ng Popcorn na Sunog – isang minutong impyerno!”… and the winner is… Alma Agustin for the movie ”Kaputol ng Isang Nanay – The Pasig Chainsaw Massacre.”

“Kelangan Bang Paulit Ulit Paulit Ulit Paulit Ulit Award”

Itong bukod tanging parangal na to ay nararapat sa isang miyembro ng batch 10 na hindi makuha sa isang salita. Sinabi mo na ng ana uuwi ka na sa buong floor, tatanungin ka pa uli nya kung uuwi ka na… Indi sya ubrang makuha sa tingin…

At ang mga nominado… Rizza Roxas para sa movie na ”Ulit-ulitin mo man, Masakit Pa Rin – The Salome Salompas Lifestory”… si Binibining Weng Erlano, isa sa ating mga specially nominated actress para sa pelikulang ”Eto Ang Quickstep, Ulitin Mo – The Webex Diaries of Purita Macaspac” and the final nominee, Ronn Cruz para sa pelikulang “Ilang Beses Ko Ba Susunugin Ang Popcorn? Ilang beses ba? Ilan? Ilan? Ilan?”. The winner is… Ronn Cruz para sa pelikulang “Ilang Beses Ko Ba Susunugin Ang Popcorn? Ilang beses ba? Ilan? Ilan? Ilan?”

“Ang Tunay na Cabalyero Award”

Ito pong kategoryang ito ang me pinakamaraming nominado. Kahit po babae, me nagqualify po para sa award na ito.

Ang batch 10 po ay kilala sa pagiging batch ng mga matitipuno at mga mala-adonis ang mga katawan. Ito pong award na ito ay para sa isang taong nagpakitang gilas sa pagganap bilang isang taong wala sa katinuan sa isang maselang pelikula… umaapoy ang lagablab sa tuwing siya ay maglalakad… maririnig nyo na lang ang mga tao na sumisigaw na nasusunog na ang carpet na nilalakaran nya… Indi po sya pang GP… mala-arsonist po ang level ng kanyang init…

Ang mga nominado… Patrick Mendoza para sa pelikulang ”Inay… Inay… Bakit Tatlo ang Aking Paa? – The Unrated Version”, Lester Galla para sa “Ako Si Dick – The Dick Ysrael Documentary” ,ang ikatlong nominado, si Edfel Santillan para sa pelikulang “Baked Tahong with Cheese and Garlic”, si Jonan Bernales para sa “Ng Gabing Nilunod Ko ang Mundo Mo”…at ang panghuli at isang surprise nominee, Alma Agustin in ”LUNOK”… the winner is… Patrick Mendoza para sa pelikulang ”Inay… Inay… Bakit Tatlo ang Aking Paa? – The Unrated Version.”

“NGASAB Award”

Ito pong parangal na ito ay para sa taong indi pedeng mawalan ng gana. Siya po ung tipong anumang pagkain ang subukan mong ihain sa harap nya, nakakatiyak ka na ito ay hindi nya pedeng patawarin. Batang tiki-tiki nung araw.

And the nominees are … Jem Figueroa para sa pelikulang ”Killer Orbitrax: Masama Bang Maniwala sa Home TV Shopping?”, Lawrence Lusterio para sa pelikulang “Darlington o Burlington?” at si Lester Galla sa pelikulang ”Huli Man Daw at Mapait…. Nginangata Pa Rin..”. And the winner is… Lester Galla sa pelikulang ”Huli Man Daw at Mapait…. Nginangata Pa Rin..”

“Lutuin Mo Ang Lelang Mong Panot Award”

Perfect na linya para sa award na ito ang dialogue na “Para Kang Karinderyang Bukas Sa Lahat ng Gustong Kumain!!!”. Itong award na to goes the member of batch 10 na di lang toxic sa kakatanggap ng Mods kasi lab sya ng mga PM kundi dahil din sa he has taken the whole new concept of Jollijeep into the E-Commerce era. Me mailing list pa sya…

The nominees are… Celeste Bansale for “Ang Gabi’y Ginagawa Kong Araw – Ang Hirap Mag-halaya”, Edfel Santillan para sa “Inubos Mo Na Naman Ang Mantika Ko” at finally, si Grace Patricio para sa “Paano Niluluto Ang Butong Pakwan”. Ang nanalo.. Edfel Santillan para sa “Inubos Mo Na Naman Ang Mantika Ko.”

“Mas Bongga Ang Bigote Ko Ke Manny Award”

Ang award na ito ay para sa miyembro ng batch 10 na ubod ng sexy ang appeal. Binibigyang parangal ang kanyang hilig sa pakikipagboksing tulad ni Manny Pacquiao datapwat mas maganda kadalasan ang tubo ng balbas nya kesa ke Manny. Kahit pa man me image sya na tough guy, ang taong ito ay me pusong marshmallow pa rin pagdating sa mga chicks.

Ang mga nominado… Aaron Flores para sa ” "Ng Kinamao Mo Ang Puso Ko - The Jerson Pianono Story, A Boxer's Tale", Haydee Mirador para sa pelikulang “Isang Linggong Awit at Ahit – Aahitan Kita, A Tita Midz Super Roadshow Presentation!”, si RJ Danugrao para sa “Pedrong Bigote at ang Magic Gunting”, and finally si Rizza Roxas para sa role nya sa pelikulang “Isandaan at isang Milyang Balbas”… At ang winner ay si… Aaron Flores para sa ” "Ng Kinamao Mo Ang Puso Ko - The Jerson Pianono Story, A Boxer's Tale."

Mukha Ka Ng Zero-Interest Award

Isang bagong bagong kategorya na pinaglabanan ng mahigpit ng ilang miyembro ng Batch 10. Ang award na ito ay para sa taong lahat ng gustong bilin sa buhay ay gustong idaan sa paylight.. Ultimo katol, gusto nyang nakapaylite…

Ang nominees…. Rose Macugay para sa “Gusto Kita….Pede Ka Ba I-PayLite?”… Aaron Flores para sa pelikulang ”Ibuka Mo, Ikakaskas Ko” at ang pinakahuli, Si RJ Danugrao para sa ”Winasak ng Muebles – Ng Kinain ng Machine ang ATM Ko”… ang nanalo ay si… Rose Macugay para sa “Gusto Kita….Pede Ka Ba I-PayLite?”

Ay…Anjan Ka Pala Award

Para sa miyembro ng Batch 10 na sa loob ng anim na buwan ay namuhay ng tahimik, sa sobrang tahimik di mo sya mapapansin. Bigla mo na lang mararamdaman na parang me dumaang tao sa tabi mo, pero paglingon mo, wala naman pala. Muntik na nyang talunin para sa role ng Hollowman si Kevin Bacon… Madalas mapagkalaman na sya ay lumaki kasama ang Dalai Lama sa Tibet…

Ang nominees ay sina Jem Figueroa sa pelikulang ”Ang Liit Mo Kasi, Muntik Na Kita Matapakan”… Nenette Vallefas para sa pelikulang ”The Nenentte Vallefas Story – Tatangkad Din Ako Someday” at si Lawrence Lusterio para sa pelikulang ”Dumating Ka Pala Subalit Lumisan ng Di Ko Nalalaman ”… Ang Nanalo… Lawrence Lusterio para sa pelikulang ”Dumating Ka Pala Subalit Lumisan ng Di Ko Nalalaman.”

“Asan Ang Punchline Mo Lifetime Achievement Award”

Ito po ang isa sa mga pinakaprestihiyoso nating igagawad ngayong gabi. Ito po ay para sa miyembro ng Batch 10 na kahit na balibaligtarin ang mundo ay di tumatama ang punchline sa joke… Kadalasan po, bago marating ang punchline, kulay blue na sya kakatawa at di na nya madeliver ng maayos ang kanyang linya..

Ang mga naging nominado para sa ”Asan Ang Punchline Mo Lifetime Achievement Award” ay sina Lawrence Lusterio para sa “Pag Di Ka Tumawa, Sasaktan Kita”, si Rizza Roxas para sa pelikulang “Tapusin Mo Muna, Bago Ka Tumawa – Memoirs ng Isang Stand Up Comedian”, Patrick Mendoza in "Triple Cara: The True to Life story of Panchito, Palito and Cachupoy all in one" at si Enid Ruivivar para sa pelikulang ”Walang Pwedeng Tumawa. – Swanny Swanster Reloaded”… the winner is.. Rizza Roxas para sa pelikulang “Tapusin Mo Muna, Bago Ka Tumawa – Memoirs ng Isang Stand Up Comedian.”

Itututok Ko, I-Click Mo Award

Ang kategoryang ito ay para sa isa sa ating mga katoto na ang hilig ay mag POINT at SHOOT… di sya bastos… ang ibig nating sabihin ay ginampanan nya ang isang makabagbag damdaming pagganap bilang isang potograpo sa isang major motion picture..

Eto na ang mga nominees… Si Rex Magdamo para sa pelikulang ”Kunan Mo Ang Lola Ko Ng Hubad”, si RJ Danugrao para sa ”Nunal, Nunal, Nunal Sa Larawan” at si Mich Reyes para sa ”Ano Ang Kulay Ng Mata Ni Caridad Pakiling?”… Ang nanalo ay si… Si Rex Magdamo para sa pelikulang ”Kunan Mo Ang Lola Ko Ng Hubad.”

Malumanay Kong Mommy For All Seasons Award

Sa lahat po ng bumubuo ng Batch 10, meron pong natatanging tao na nais natin bigyang parangal sa araw na ito. Siya po ay gumanap sa role na isang nanay na tunay namang napakahaba ng pasensya. Di sya marunong magalit. Ang pasensya nya ay kasing haba ng titanic.

Ang mga nominado para sa Malumanay Kong Mommy For All Seasons Award ay sina… Celeste Bansale para sa ”Magtanim Ay Di Biro – The Britney Braganza Diaries”, Haydee Mirador para sa pelikulang ”Kutchain Mo Ako Sa Pamamagitan Ng Balahibo ng Kabayo” at si Lester Galla para sa pelikulang “Nanay Ko ang Nanay Mo na Nanay Nya na Nanay Nating Lahat.” At ang nanalo… Celeste Bansale para sa ”Magtanim Ay Di Biro – The Britney Braganza Diaries”

Kumain Ka ng Berde Award

Ang batch 10 po ay binubuo ng iba’t ibang klaseng karakter. Para sa kategoryang ito, bibigyang pugay po natin ang isang natatanging katoto natin na ang hobby ay tumakbo, magnakaw ng cereal, ngumasab ng madamong gulay at higit sa lahat, man-chancing sa pamamagitan ng yakap…

Ito po ang mga nominees…. Si Michelle Reyes para sa pelikulang “Itanim Mo Ang Quaker Oats Ko Sa Puso Mo”, si Edfel Santillan para sa pelikulang “Mantika Kong Gamit ay Walang Kolesterol” at si Bebang Raflores para sa “Ang Berde ng Mundo Ko… Gusto Mo Gawin Din Kitang Berde?”… At ang nanalo… Bebang Raflores para sa “Ang Berde ng Mundo Ko… Gusto Mo Gawin Din Kitang Berde?”

Ang Tunay Na Makaasta Award

Isa na naman pong major award ang ating ibibigay sa oras na ito. Indi po madali ang maging miyembro ng batch 10. minsan po, di maiwasan ang mga chismis at mga di kompirmadong balita. Ang next awardee po natin ang me tanging lakas ng loob na ituro ang mga salarin sa pamamagitan ng kanyang oh so extra sexy pouty lips, whether naka-smile sya or mad sya, POUTY pa rin. Ganyan sya talaga makaasta. Sya rin ay isa sa mga maituturing na pioneer sa pamimbento ng mga expressions na patuloy na kinababaliwan ng madlang ppol…

Ang nominees ay sina… Lawrence Lusterio para sa pelikulang “Kulang Lang Ako sa Salita… Try Mo Ko Sa Ibang Bagay”, Michelle Reyes para sa “Kapag Humilab Ang Tiyan – Ng Inabot Ng LBM sa Rampa Si Mimi Bandurya” at isang espesyal na nominado, Jonathan Ang para sa pelikulang “ Pinagkape ako kaya ako Nagkakaganito”– a feature film by RJ Danugrao.. and the winner is… Michelle Reyes para sa “Kapag Humilab Ang Tiyan – Ng Inabot Ng LBM sa Rampa Si Mimi Bandurya”

Magpa-Liposuction Ka Na Lang Award

Itong pong susunod na parangal natin sa araw na ito ay nararapat ibigay sa miyembro ng batch 10 na…. Uhm…. Di Naman daw sya overweight… Chubby lang daw sya. Nalilinya kasi sya sa mga supporting roles na ang ginagampanan nya ay either bulimic sya o meron syang anorexia… at datapwat di halatang me eating disorder sya, believable pa rin ang kanyang mga pagganap…

Ang mga nominado… Si Jem Figueroa para sa ”Calixta, Ang Girlfrend Kong Namatay Sa Gutom”, isang espesyal na nominado, si Anj Sahagun para sa pelikulang ”How I Ate Your Whole Family”, Enid Ruivivar para sa ”Tatlong Gatang sa Isang Upuan”, at si Lester Galla para sa pelikulang ”Being Lester Galla”… The winner is… Si Jem Figueroa para sa ”Calixta, Ang Girlfrend Kong Namatay Sa Gutom.”

Nunal Sa Paa Award

Itong next award po natin ay indi lamang exclusibo sa batch 10. Kumbaga po sa Oscars, parang ito po ung Best Foreign Actress in a foreign motion picture… Ang award po na ito ay nagbibigay pugay sa pagganap ng isang aktres upang mabigyang buhay ang role na maligalig sa layasan at kung sang lupalop nakakarating. Masahol pa siya sa me isang dosenang nunal sa paa. Bukod sa pagiging layas, kagilagilalas din na sa liit ng kanyang mga hakbang ay di sya nagpapaiwan sa obstacle races… Pero mind you… sa ginawa nyang pagaalaga sa batch 10, wala kang itulak kabigin kaya isa sya sa mga dearly beloved sa mundo ng Lawson Showbiz…

Ang mga nominado… Jennifer Aniston para sa pelikulang ”Haluin Mo Ang Sago Sa Samalamig Ko (English Title : Tapioca), Angelina Jolie sa ”Mas Malago Ang Damo Sa Baba ng Punso (English Title : Cinderella) at si Rowena Erlano para sa ”Maliit Man Ay Nakakapuwing Din (English Title : Thumblelina)… and the winner is… Rowena Erlano para sa ”Maliit Man Ay Nakakapuwing Din (English Title : Thumblelina).

Ang Bagong Lagalag Award

Tulad po kategoryang Best Foreign Actress kanina, meron po syang counterpart na Best Foreign Actor in a Foreign Film. Sa puntong ito, bibigyan nating parangal ang isang actor na kahit anong role mo sya pagampanin at kahit sang lugar ang shooting, go sya. Kaladkad dito kaladkad doon. Pede sya. Anytime. Isa rin sya sa mga tumayong inspirasyon ng Batch 10. Kumbaga sa industriya, haligi na sya. Parang ang batch 10 ang mga Ang TV kids at sya si Johnny Manahan…

Ang mga nominado… Tom Cruise para sa pelikulang ”Di Sya Talaga Mahaba, Maliit Ka Lang (English Title : Leather Belt), si George Clooney para sa ”Nagbabagang Paraisong Parisukat (English title : The Room Is On Fire”) at si Mr. Bing Dino para sa pelikulang “Ang Pagkakakaladkad Ke Maximo Kaladkarin (English Title : Party Boy)… the winner is… Mr. Bing Dino para sa pelikulang “Ang Pagkakakaladkad Ke Maximo Kaladkarin (English Title : Party Boy).

c',)

/mich
Taguig City

on a day like today...

2008-06-10T15:27:00.005+08:00

'Twas not the Spanish week but i have this growing fascination over the Spanish language.

Manifestations:
1. Spanish sentence as YM status.
2. Listening to Spanish 101 podcasts.
3. English-Spanish Dictionary toolbar.

One day, Gilbert caught me red-handed, with my YM status as "por que no te gusta?"

Taonggrasa G: latin?

michigirl: spanish

Taonggrasa G: makaasta....

michigirl: que pasa?

Taonggrasa G: porke n beans

michigirl: por ke no te gusta?

Taonggrasa G: hanep....

michigirl: si señor gozales

michigirl: comida es los para impotente

Taonggrasa G: ano un translation ng spanish surname ko?

Taonggrasa G: nawawala n kapag spanish?

michigirl: in spanish... gonchaleiz

Taonggrasa G: ah nakalagay kasi sa message mo - gozales

michigirl: ay pardonez señor

michigirl: el sitio nada importa

Taonggrasa G: forgiveno senora

Taonggrasa G: si si

michigirl: de nada

Taonggrasa G: para bailar la bamba

Taonggrasa G: que necesito una poka de gracia

michigirl: una poca de gracia pamipacian yariba yariba

Taonggrasa G: a yariba yariba porqu sere porque sere porque sere

michigirl: bailar la bamba

Taonggrasa G: besame besame mucho

michigirl: Chiquitam chiquititam tam tam que tumbam bam que tumbam que tepetepe tambambam que tumbam que pim. Chiquitam chiquititam tam tam que tumbam bam que tumbam que tepetepe tambambam que tumbam que pim. Chiquitam chiquititam tam tam que tumbam bam que tumbam que tepetepe tambambam que tumbam que pim. Extasi extano. Extasi extano. Extasi extano. Extasi extano.

Taonggrasa G: fotah

Taonggrasa G: walang google-lan

michigirl: hahaha!!!

michigirl: ala na

michigirl: ubos na spanish ko

Taonggrasa G: signs na wala ka talaga gingawa

michigirl: hihih

Talking about two trying-hard Spanish wanna-be's.

//mich
06.10.08

be careful on what you wish for

2008-05-30T10:31:00.004+08:00

nature has it's own way of doing tricks on you.

sometime July 2007, i was on the verge of losing myself to work. and all i can wish for is for me to get sick so that i can take a leave. surprisingly, i was so in the pink of health despite countless sleepless nights and unhealthy working habits. strange. i know im becoming a pain in the ass to my friends since all i can tell them is how tired i am and how i hate my clients and how i'd love to get sick for at least a week, if getting sick is the only way i could take a rest. poor me.

amazingly, the only way i can relieve myself from stress is by jotting down my thoughts, be it sad or inspiring or funny. you can find it strange but how will you describe my roommate's unexplainable passion of buying curtains and then arranging it everytime she gets home? stress-booster, i know.

So here is my blog dated July something 2007.

Title: Work is consuming the best of me.

mich, get a life. that's the best advice i can give to myself. two of our best consultants have resigned and i got a share of their unfinished businesses in addition to my existing projects. there are times that i don't dream anymore. when you're busy you just face whatever comes in your way. kill whoever comes first. that's the Black-Ninja theory i learned from one of my clients.

According to him when black ninjas are coming to destroy you, don't panic.

just focus.

look at them in the eye.

ninjas will attack you one at a time, so make sure you hit them in their vital parts.

so they won't come back again.

before you knew it they are all black ants lying on the ground.then victory is all yours!

In my simultaneous stints to different corporate clients that i'm currently handling, i met new faces, said "hi" to different corporate cultures, embraced new operating styles, dealt with mind-boggling queries and came up with informed decisions.

Okay, let me introduce to you some of my memorable clients:

Company No. 1: Ethics-Lacking Corp. This is a haven of good meryenda. You can eat at your workstation and if by some clumsiness it spills... Ooopps... it's okay. the pests will come but they definitely know their way out.Don't worry.

Company No. 2: Hitler Corp. I did a product demo to the company President and his consultant and believe me i haven't felt humiliated like that in my whole life.
"What? The software is from the US and you're telling us it cannot do the inter-company consolidation?" - yah right, am i the maker of that ERP?? (am i blushing?)
"Ask your boss... maybe you just simply don't know about that feature" - (wait, i wanna puke...)
"Come back again next week and present to us our pending issues" - oh yeah?? (eyes-rolling) talking about two thrill-seeker, chauvinist pigs.

Company No. 3: Warm Teletubbies Corp. The office is somewhere in Sucat, Paranaque. I gave them a training for 3 days and it's like the best performance of my life as a Business Consultant. It was superb! Surreal! Sublime! It's like the confirmation of all my hard work. They never ran out of words to appreciate what i did for them and i know for sure that they learned a great deal from my training.

Company No. 4: Come What may Corp. A company whose footwear products i admired but working with them is as good as testing the weather everyday, and every decision is seemingly dependent on a toss coin. How discouraging. Apparently, the project didn't prosper. Blame the project manager-tosser.

*****
End of flashback..... zooommmm....

Now i have a clear image of me taking a deep breath, eyes wide shut and asking the good Lord to give me a break or I WOULD QUIT.

The Lord took a sigh and said: "my child, honestly, you are a bitch. but i love you and i don't want you to quit so i'll take care of the next few days. don't worry now."

looking back what happened to me... it happened so fast. without me seeing the signs. my stars perfectly aligned. from the day i got my precious million-dollar-worth US tourist visa, til the day i transferred to my new work... everything is so perrrrrffecccttt!!!!!

good pay.
flexible working hours, 8 by 5.
brilliant co-workers.
travel opportunities.
wear-whatever-you-feel-like-as-long-as-it's-decent dresscode.
stress-free environment.
free unlimited coffee.
what more can i ask for?

but have you ever realized that it's not just how much you take home every payday?

i just asked for a twig and what was given to me is a tree.
i asked for a week off and what was given to me was 6 months stress-free and lax circumstance.

Okay God, i know the lessons now.

It's not the money that would matter.
It's your worth as a person.
It's the challenges that you conquer.
It's your impact to others' lives.

For the meantime, i will devote my freedom to discover the movie industry and connect again to my old friends, sort of renewing our friendship vows.

Who knows, after a few months, work will consume again the best of me. :D

This Time

2008-05-20T21:21:00.002+08:00

Jonathan Rhys Meyers
OST - August Rush

Tonight the sky above
Reminds me how to love
Walking through wintertime, the stars all shine
The angel on the stairs
Will tell you I was there
Under the front porch light
On the mistery night

I’ve been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back
Could I get you off my mind
This time

The neon lights and bars
And headlights from the cars
Started a symphony surrounding me
The things I left behind
Have melted in my mind
And now there’s a purity inside of me

I’ve been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back
Could I get you off my mind
This time

I’ve been sitting, watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back
Could I get you off my mind
This time

and so the aftermath

2008-04-23T10:57:00.014+08:00

been confronted by so many questions lately. the hard thing is that i could hardly sleep at night.

because for some reasons, i wasn't able to find any answer. i wonder why man ever created the word "WHY".

an article says you cannot feel sadness and anger at the same time. it has to be either you feel sad OR you feel mad at a given point. practically, it's easier to feel sad. simply because you still have a future to look forward to. and simply because you want to move on and forget. it's hard to move on when you still have thorns in your wound. at least, a wound alone can heal in time. yeah, and then a scar that is something to look back and will remind you of a lesson and bitter-sweet memories.

and soon after a blazing storm comes the aftermath. that's even more tragic than when the thing is happening. at the heat of the moment you cannot react, we'll something that's true for me. and after the storm are the ruins and you wonder how it happened that fast... not even a sign from nature. and then you will feel devastated because wherever you look at, there are the things which remind you of everything: your firsts, the laughters you've shared, the dreams you've built, the conversations you once wished not to end. and though unsolicited, there are the scents, the hymns and the images that bring you back the memories.

now you feel alone and all soiled and don't know where and how to start back to square one.

truth is, i'm not terribly hurt. luckily for me, and it's phenomenal: i saw it coming. i saw the small cracks in the bridge and i have witnessed how it dramatically gone worse... and i was there when the bridge started to give in. the villagers said the bridge we created is so weak it cannot handle the force of point A and point B pulling opposite each other. we should have waited some time to make the foundations stronger and more ready to weather whatever comes its way. true enough.

Leaf: I am the leaf. Please ask me to stay.
Tree: ok
Leaf: How can i ever cling to your twigs? I need nourishment from you!
Tree: well
Leaf: The wind keeps on blowing, the caterpillar is eating me... I can't stand it anymore.
Tree: hmmm
Leaf: You haven't talked too much lately. Anything wrong?
Tree: No, nothing.
Leaf: Then I shall leave. I cannot make you happy anymore. You deserve to be happy.

but what if the tree was in pain too? and was harboring complaints which he was not able to say? but how would the leaf know?? how can you know something that you were not told about?

sometimes it's nice to think that "what i don't know won't hurt me at all". well maybe in time i may need to know but not now. the candle wick is still burning. it can't handle the answers to the why's.

perhaps when all the answers to my WHY's are complete, i am already fully recovered. i would gladly embrace the tree and will thank him for letting me go. we will rebuild the bridge again, will meet once in while to see how each other is doing.

//mich
04.26.08

tour of the fireflies '08

2008-04-20T19:25:00.008+08:00

bike for clean air!

April 20 is a big day for me. For the first time, I joined a bike fun ride which ran 50 kilometers through seven cities in Metro Manila.

It all started when my friend asked me to visit the website of the Tour of the Fireflies and then I said it's interesting. Afterwards he started asking his friends if they have an extra bike to lend to his little sister, eherrm, and that's me. Before I knew it he already bought me a jersey and a pair of warmers. How can I ever quit then?

The Miss Earth candidates joined the ride too with their victorian-styled bike sans the flower baskets and flamboyant hats. Should I've known that they will be donning pink blouses i should have worn one too. And oooppss... dont forget the dark green sash. ;)

At the strike of 8 o'clock we started our first few pedals and then the momentum set in. The best thing I enjoy about biking is the speed, and the air passing through your face, opposite your direction. I am not a seasoned biker like Henry but I know the adrenaline rush it brings while you're on the road.

Im glad there is Gilbert with me who's more than willing to sacrifice himself by always taking the danger side of it. I owe him the bottles of water he carried thoughout the ride. Har har har!! Thanks Papa G!! You're the man!

And while on the road, Gilbert had treated me like it was my first time to ride a bike!!! And I cannot forget his face when I almost scratched a newly bought Toyota Revo (ooopppss.. i went out of balance, churi!). To his dismay, he asked me to maneuver to the service road in Roxas Boulevard. :-(
It was fun biking with thousands of people who shares your enviromental protection beliefs...

And finally the finish line. If I were not wearing my glasses, i could have showered under the firetruck's sprinkler.

Totally cool!!!!

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everybody's gotta learn sometimes

2008-04-14T23:22:00.008+08:00

TO LOVE!

...that you must not come uninvited and disguised.

the lifestyle of the lean and famous

2008-04-08T10:24:00.005+08:00

it's summertime once again my dear friends!!

as soon as i arrived from my US trip, surprisingly my figure changed from featherweight to heavyweight category.

my friends would frequently ask about this significant weight gain (from 130, i now weigh 135). here is my answer:

1. i was informed before that i will be sent to vegas for a heavyweight fight against morales... so after i qualify for the heavyweight category they announced that i was really scheduled for the featherweight match. they cheated on me. i will replace freddie roach.

2. the steak in the US was ohhh sssooooo irrisistable, can't afford to resist 2000 calories each meal.

3. change of image from the alluring campus queen to a comfortable, caring and huggable mom.

thanks to the law of thermal expansion, i got 1 more logical and scientific approach to answer my friends' inquisitive stare:

"In physics, thermal expansion is the tendency of matter to change in volume in response to a change in temperature. When a substance is heated, its constituent particles move around more vigorously and by doing so generally maintain a greater average separation. Materials that contract with an increase in temperature are very uncommon; this effect is limited in size, and only occurs within limited temperature ranges. The degree of expansion divided by the change in temperature is called the material's coefficient of thermal expansion and generally varies with temperature."

make sense huh??!

in the US, the weather is so cold that when i arrived back here in Manila then i, as a matter, changed in volume in response to a change in temperature.

now, the problem is, what now?

last week i launched a campaign to strictly impose on myself a serious health regimen.

i formed a group called Skinny Friends in the office... (Hi Jem, Enid, Hayds, Pat and RJ, binabati ko kayo!! Skinny friends, UNITE!!!)

so Jem kept on invoking the articles of the Skinny Friends if he thinks we are violating rules like consumming more calories that the required daily calorie allowance.

you know, it's hard to resist inviting chinese and fatty foods when you are doing it alone in the middle of an ocean of non-weight-conscious friends.

so to boost my campaign, i started taking the stairs from the ground floor to the 14th floor. catching my breath, i need to stay composed and project to them that it's fun to take the stairs and that i did'nt sweat at all (if they only knew i almost fainted in the 12th).

hahaha! at lunchtime i had one recruit (hoorraaahh Aaron!) so we took the stairs again going down and stairs (AGAIN!) going up. Come on! im still perfectly sane!

Aaron however, promised himself to wait for a month to recover after that stairs event. :-(

so i'm taking the stairs alone again. tsk tsk.

yesterday i went to CCP to run. if you've seen the fountain area of CCP, i was there and made 7 rounds. that's enough otherwise i would need to take myself to the nearest hospital. then, not too far from CCP, i joined a group of people in their morning aerobics.

maybe as you live a lifestyle of the lean and famous, you need to check the nutritional content at the back of the carton or plastic of the food you are taking. which i dont understand before.

in these days of struggling to lose weight, i acknowledge the presence of my orbitrac who is always there for me especially at night when i arrive from the office. some 30 minutes we tenderly spend together makes our bond grow strong each day.

thanks also to my american harvest rolled oats with muesli (80 calories per serving). thank you for relieving me from my emotional hunger and for being there whenever i need you most! i dont know what my life would be without you! :-D

and don't you forget Del Monte Fit and Right who never gets tired of converting my fats to energy so the ads say.

losing weight is not an easy nut to crack. now my whole bosy aches because of the tremendous physical activity i engage myself in the past few days.

Oh God, i miss my skinny jeans, please don't let me buy new pairs... that's so costly.

//mich

04.08.08

San Andres Bukid

American Dream - Part 2

2008-03-26T09:38:00.015+08:00

"in the US you will never get hungry... unless you're a bum..."
- says henry
- says jown
- says jaypee
here are some notes i had in my mind while enjoying my vacation:

1. taking a PAL flight to Los Angeles, i just felt like i was just taking a domestic flight to Davao, i just spotted 2 Americans on-board.

2. when the airplane touched down LA International Airport, Filipino passengers clapped their hands. what the &*%^&%!!!??

3. you'll never perspire. the cold temperature just kept on sticking into my nose. in my one-week stay, i never had used my face towel (the one i'm using here in the Philippines for my daily bath experience). one day, i went to Walmart to buy some pasalubong and later i realized i had two big shopping bags in my both hands --- and i dont have a car. so off i went back to the house in which i need to cross two roads and then stride on a slope.

the bags were so heavy, i cant imagine how stupid i became that i also managed to take-out McDonalds, yes, another plastic bag in addition to my Wal-Mart bags. Once in a while i stopped hoping that a good samaritan will pass by and will offer me a ride. and that was under the hot californian sun. the thing is, i just gasped for breath... but i didn't perspire.

4. when dining out, prepare yourself for a giant's hearty meal. i wonder if americans' anatomy differs from filipinos in terms of gastric sizes. or probably the servings is patterned to the Dollar/Peso conversion rate: 1 dollar: 41 pesos whereas 1 american serving : 3 filipino serving

5. gasoline stations are all self-service. to each his own. as in wipe your own ass, scratch your own itch.

6. how ironic that when i stepped out of the house i was the only one walking to the grocery while everybody is in their cars and surprisingly, air pollution is not a problem.

7. i will cut my both index fingers if you will see a rusty, smoke-belching cars on the road.

8. customer service is superb! in Wal-Mart you will find an employee sitting near the entrance door and all that she's doing all day is to greet the customers: "How are you today? Have a nice day!" When we were in Las Vegas and doing some shopping, i have my reply on a template: "I'm good! Just looking! :-)"

9. when dining out, the waitress will come once in a while to check if you are enjoying your food and will tell you that in case you need something just dont hesitate to approach them. the service is personal like as if you know each other for quite sometime and i am really enjoying it. later i discovered that i'm paying for the waitress' courtesy by giving them a standard 16% TIP (which is twice the sales tax). henry explained to me that you can run away with the 16% TIP but the restaurant manager will ask you if you didn't like the food or the service and why (explain in not less than 300 words.) you would not want to be bothered by that so you'll choose to give the TIP im sure.
9. the CR... ooopppsss.. the restroom i mean (as Henry would always correct me not to use the word CR but use toilet, ladies' room, or restroom instead) is very comfortable. in the malls, like in the Citadel Outlet or the Grove, the restrooms are like hotel rooms. your trip to the restroom is a pleasant experience unlike in malls here, either you bring your own toilet paper or pay for your every visit. tsk.. tsk.. tsk.. There i enjoyed using the toilet seat cover, that's something you cant find in any comfort rooms here.

10. in the malls and supermarkets, it's not unusual that you will find grandmas working as a cashier. honestly i got surprised when in Walmart, an old woman, probably in her 70's was on the counter. and she looked so elegant in her flashy red lipstick. equal work opportinities for everybody huh!

11. No toll fees for the use of freeways!!! yahhuuuu!!!!

12. Firemen can afford to buy a Starbucks coffee.

13. People are afraid of traffic violation tickets. you wouldn't want to receive a mail from the traffic enforcers with a picture of you behind the steering wheel, do you?

14. homes are not fenced. just landscapes and flowers. there are some slightly fenced though, in some critical areas.
15. when eating a steak do not, i repeat, DO NOT have it cooked well-done. unless you want a charcoal for dinner. Henry took me out for a steak lunch. being the hard-headed me, i insisted to have it well-done. the meat shrinked, less tender and gave me a steak-hang-up. later that night, i cant move on with my life and requested for a round 2, even if it cost 17 bucks in Las Vegas. I ordered steak again but this time it's medium rare. if you want it a little bloody and tender, have it cooked rare. but medium rare is fantastic for me.

17. doing your laundry is a learning experience. they are using a washing machine which is different from what i have in my apartment's laundry area. you can actually do your laundry without wetting your hands!! amazing isn't it??

18. cars are intelligent, they will throw violent tantrums unless you put on your seatbelts. they know how important seatbelts are.

19. if you can manage to drink your vaseline lotion, please do so. how strange that a cold weather can make your skin dry, flaky, and worst.. itchy. while here in manila we go crazy over whitening and sunblock lotions, there you will find a myriad of species of anti-itch lotions ranging from the low-profile calamine lotion up to the sophisticated top-of-the-line hydrocortisone (wowow!! big word!!)

20. no frisking guards in malls, no sniffing K9 dogs. as if security threats do not appear in their vocabulary.

maybe it's true that travel can change your perspective. after my trip, i can now see things differently and i can now make better choices.

//mich
3.31.08
San Andres Bukid Manila

American Dream - Part 1

2008-03-25T09:16:00.007+08:00

march 23, 2008 6:30am. i arrived from a one-week US vacation.

that was a fulfillment of a short span american dream which started when the US Embassy bestowed trust and confidence in me by granting me a tourist visa.

Flashback:

December 3, 2007 was a big day for me. for the first time in my life i felt like i'm in a beauty pageant contest and spot lights were on me. my fate lies on the result of the question and answer portion. my heart trembled and i hid it as much as i could by flashing the best smile i could give. "for henry, i need to pass this interview..."

"stay confident ate," said Joan.

"Just answer the questions directly, the consul doesn't need too much information," said Henry.

"Exude the aura like telling them that 'hey, you don't have a choice but to give me a visa'," i told myself.

while seated in the waiting area, i picked number 2926. I noticed number 26, wow, henry and i were born on the 26th of January and November, respectively. it could have been a lucky number.

2926... geezz... i just turned 29 last November 26. I felt shivers down my spine. It could be a birthday gift for me.

Consul: welcome to the United States of America!
Mich: why... that's it??
Consul: Yup
Mich: EEEeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no i didn't shout. i wish i could. i felt like rubbing the glass window with my handkerchief and kneeling down before the consul and sing to him songs of praises. geeezzz!!! when i went to delbros to fill out the delivery form for my passport and visa i swear to God i couldn't write, my hands are trembling... no.. it was my whole body trembling.

perhaps i was just too lucky. some office colleagues said my boss was denied with a US visa twice even though the purpose is for training. some colleagues said i should go for an Asian tour first (Singapore, Malaysia, Hongkong, etc.). eat your hearts out!!

as soon as i hailed a cab, i called henry. i knew he was very happy.

i felt that all the universe conspired to give me all my aspirations. my stars aligned perfectly. i admit i just exerted little efforts for these gifts. all i did was to simply go with the flow, prayed hard and focus.

it worked this time.

valentine blues

2008-02-14T16:30:00.005+08:00

thank God, valentines day is over.

i could have frozen myself to skip a day, but the thing is... i survived it.

today marks the first valentine's day that i'm going steady... opps.. seriously steady with somebody. a couple of months ago, i was anticipating a great Vday.

but as it gets nearer, my dream dozen of roses has gotten materially paler until this morning... it just totally disappeared.

a dozen of velvety red lustful roses.

last year i spent valentines day less the stress. spent it with tesimae over a fancy salad platter. i even got home with a long-stemmed red rose. a nice consolation for fabulous, single achievers like us courtesy of the restaurant.

okay, has anybody here doesn't associate red roses with valentines day?

geezzz... i cant imagine myself getting this cynical and bitter but it has really gotten under my skin. and now it's an official hang-up.

hunney said he cant send me flowers. thought that was absoulutely okay, as in "no-big-deal-that's-okay-i-can-understand-you-are-so-far-how-will-the-flowers-be-delivered-to-me-i-am-on-the-other-side-of-the-world" thing.

but here i am, in my first Vday with him, spending it alone and empty-handed.

can i cry? so loud until the tears flow heavily, heavy enough that i won't see anything and wont even notice that there's something missing on this day.

a dash of argument, simmered in a pan of flaming, burning emotions, and a pint of longingness, perfect ingredients to make me bleed today. and oh, dont put flowers in the scene as it will spoil the recipe.

it's 5pm now and officially 2008 Vday will be declared a history... such a painful event.

never thought i will hate valentine's day this much.

kill me please. just for today.

and may i reiterate: valentine's day, just like my birthday, meant equally important to me.

i'm scared

2008-02-13T08:23:00.000+08:00

a new fear has awaken...

woke up in the middle of an alarming noise of the ambulance running to and fro the street passing our apartment. that was past 5am.

thought it was another scary dream for me. thought i was just hearing the noise subconciously... then subconsciously, i asked angel: "ano kaya yun?" (i wonder what it is?)

surprisingly she answered: "oo nga ate e, nagising nga ako ang ingay ingay ng ambulance..."

later the alarm of the firetrucks filled the air, we could barely hear the sound of the ambulance.

angel and i went to the rooftop to check what was happening.

there was a fire kilometer away from our apartment.

then it we went back to bed.

i realized then that a new fear was born in me...

had a little fear in heights, an enclosed space makes me difficult to breath... an now i have a fear in ambulance and fire truck alarms.

good thing there is snoop dog i can hug to comfort me.

so i went back to bed again, i still have 45 minutes before i have to wake up again.

What Michelle Reyes Means

2008-02-12T10:00:00.000+08:00

What Michelle Reyes Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.
You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.
A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Bahay Kubo

2008-01-31T10:58:00.000+08:00

From the Department of Linguistics, Bahay Kubo in gayspeak.

Valer kuberch, kahit jutay
Ang julamantrax donchi ay anek-anek.
Nyongkamas at nutring, nyogarilyas at kipay
Nyitaw, nyotaw, jutani.
Kundol, jutola, jupot jolabastrax
At mega join-join pa, jobanox nyustasa.
Nyubuyax, nyomatis, nyowang at luyax
And around the keme ay fulnes ng linga.

read from jessica zafra's blog...

waking up in the middle of emptiness

2008-01-29T10:27:00.000+08:00

cockooo... coockkooo...

5 minutes more.
snooze.

5 minutes more.
snooze.

5 minutes more.
snooze.

wake up mich.

check your weight.
look at the mirror.
check out the pores.
see the thin lines?

hug ernie and bert.
fold your blanket.
pile up your pillows.
choose your clothes.

bathe.
brush your teeth.
dry your hair.
apply your make up.

dress up.
plan the day.
smile in the mirror.
hide the emptiness.

//mich 1.29.08
Fort Bonifacio
Taguig

Komiks

2008-01-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

One Sunday afternoon, while everybody is taking a nap... i crawled beside my mother.

“Mother, what’s gahasa?” I asked my mother. I read my grandmother’s favourite Wakasan Komiks and that word caught my attention.

“Ano ka ba naman Michelle, kung anu-anong tinatanong mo,” my annoyed mother would answer.

More komiks and then one lucky day I discovered what the word “gahasa” means. I felt so relieved with what I discovered and I realized what Columbus felt when he discovered America.

In the frame is a picture of a man with a super curly hair and a very masculine moustache. In the next frame he entered a room full of delight. Then he leaned forward. In the last frame, the man was sweating a lot (gamunggo) and his eyes are almost popping out, out of pain or pleasure? I don’t know.

“Mother… I know now what “gahasa” means!!!”

“Ano na naman yan Michelle!!!?”

“I knew it! “Gahasa” means constipation or a painful bowel movement! Am I not bright Mother??! (blink blink).”

“Ano ba yan anak!! Kung anu ano natututunan mo! Sinabi nang Funny Komiks lang ang babasahin mo e!”

As early as 7 years old, I conceived my passion for literature. My sister and I would visit my grandmother and dig her box full of reading materials. When I say reading materials it comprised Liwayway, Pinoy Horror Stories komiks, Horoscope komiks, Love Stories, Wakasan Komiks, etc. We treasured it so much like if my lola would then ask us then what we want to have when she dies (may she rest in peace), my sister and I would surely fight over her chest of Pinoy Komiks.

When I was 9, I started reading my sister's and my younger brothers’ Reading and Phonics books as soon as I finished reading all the stories of my books.

Hmmm… interesting stories and exciting illustrations:

My Cat’s New Kitten

Yangtze River

The Goose that Lays Eggs

The Giant Turnip

The Country Mouse and the City Mouse

Etcetera etcetera.

Later, I grew tired of Grimm fairy tales and Aesop fables. I discovered my Tita’s books (who was a highschool freshman then) and borrowed those from her and started reading it page after page every afternoon after removing my school shoes.

One day she scolded me when she found out that I answered all the reading comprehension exams at the end of each story. Hihihi… Sorry I got carried away!

One day while dusting a cabinet, I accidentally got a copy of Abante tabloid and got curious about the article of Xerex Xaviera (if I still remember it right), since my classmates are always making a joke out of that xerex thing. I was 11 years old then.

“Bastos!!! Malaswa!! Kadiri!!” Those are the adjectives I just spewed out after I read that Xerex article. I stopped reading it and seized and sequestered every copy to save my father and my brothers from the sin that Xerex Xaviera is spreading thoughout the whole world.

Hahaha! Later I realized it was a form of creative writing called “erotic literature” made to tickle the reader’s senses. It’s just that, the literature was exposed in the wrong medium (i.e tabloid) compromising it’s artistry making it appear lewd and illicit.

When I was in highschool, I started reading Valentine Romance Tagalog pocketbooks. Later I grew bored, seemingly, all the stories have the same themes, conflicts and characters.

Later I started reading classic literature like that of Guy de Maupassant, Edgar Allan Poe, Anton Chekhov to name a few.

In my senior high school class, we have theme writing lessons and there I discovered my passion to write essays and short stories. My teacher got so impressed on all of my works and expected that I will take a course in literature in college.

I don’t know but maybe this is the reason why and how I acquire this passion to write.

I want to eternalize my thoughts.

I want my children read my articles when they grow up.

I want my grand children to be proud of me.

I want them to know what my life is all about when I’m growing up.

Let me share to you some accreditation and citations:

“I wish momee I can write as good as you, I’m so envious of your blogsite” - Tesimae (wow, thanks. It’s like accepting my first Palanca Awards for Literature).

“Wow Bes, how did you do it! Your stories are so funny I just keep on laughing! I’d also like to have my own blogsite but I don’t know how to write.” – Bes (You can do it Bes, all you need to have is the heart and the passion. Thanks Bes, it’s like accepting my first Pulitzer Prize for Literature)

“I have visited your blogsite a few times and I am so amazed on how good you write.” – Henry (thanks hunney, I’m glad you are a fan! It’s like accepting my first Nobel Prize for Literature)

"Hahaha!! Hahaha!!!" - Jay (fine bro... it's like accepting my first Jay Sy Blog award hehe.)

Meanwhile, I will just continue to write. I will write whenever I’m extremely happy or sad, or extremely bored or excited, or extremely petrified or in comfort.

I will write as long as there is one soul who will patiently read between the lines.

I will write as long as I can think of good stories.

I will write as long as a stupid scenario pops out of my filthy mind whilst riding a jeep, uncomfortable because I need to hide a silly grin from the other passengers.

Oh God, thank you for the blessings, I love you.

//mich
01.03.08
San Andres Bukid, Manila

...after nine months at last i'm free.

2007-11-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

...and today I celebrate my twenty-ninth year. And this year, i'm offering you a better part of me.

let me tell you how I spent my 29th:

at 12 midnight i was still yawning in front of the mirror waiting for my total hair makeover to finish. funny that all the beauticians have joined forces to do my hair and expedite the process.

finally, at 12:30am i was able to go home but they advised me not to sleep right away and that i still need to wait for an hour before i sleep because my hair might get deformed.

Huwaaaatttt???

i woke up at 8am and i got lucky 5 texters waiting for me:

I swear this is the time of the year when my phone gets busy all day. Calls and texts from dear friends and relatives showered me.

As usual i woke up with a coffee and a delectable breakfast. Thanks to Momee Jean, if she doesn't have two kids i could have mistaken her as a lesbian for the extraordinry attention she's giving me, hahaha!

Jean is my bestfriend here in the dorm. Like bes, she's also my soulmate.

At night, she surprised me with a lechon manok and adobo in the dinner table! Yummy! Her pork adobo is the best!

This is my special day so i made it a point that I dress up, I wore my new pair of havaianas and my skinny jeans.

I went out at 9:30 am and ran some important errands for my visa application and then met my friend Gilbert for lunch at the Pancake House.

The best thing about birthdays is that you can demand from your friends despite their inconvenience (hihihi). I only ordered nothing but salad and a hearty dessert. For this I give Gilbert 4 stars for being there whenever i need a sensible companion. :-)

At lunchtime, I got a phone call from Bes. Bes, despite our distance, never failed to catch up with what's going on with my life. Through the years, she's there with me. In times that I need a friend most, in times that i get so confused and depressed, there is Bes.

Very few relationships survive the test of distance and time. But we did!

After lunchtime I visited my friends in BPI and spent a coffee break with them. I miss the good old days when I was still in BPI and sitting at the same spot for coffee.

I also celebrated my birthday in the office. Together with my co-celebrators, we treated our colleagues with spaghetti and pansit palabok. Donna and I bought cake for ourselves.

This is something that Henry cannot accept, our Filipino tradition where the birthday celebrants are the ones to spend for their birthday (to which I also disagree). In the US, it is the birthday celebrants who was thrown a party by their friends.

Well, it's partly true here. Mom and Dad host a birthday party for their kids. But as soon as the kid earns a living, the kid must spend for her own party.

I invited Tesimae and Gilbert for my post birthday dinner at the Thai and Silk in Serendra, Global City.

(The restaurant is very memorable to me since Henry took me here during the time that we were still dating and discovered that he loves exploring on different foods, too!)

I'm glad Tesimae and Gilbert met through me. They have met, the two closest friends I have now. Afterwards, we continued in Cupcakes by Sonja and had coffee.

And for the final leg of my birthday marathon, here's my family.

Absent: Tatay, Aris, Ninang, Joan, Yayan, Jordan and of course, Henry.

When I was just a grader, I envied my classmates. On their birthdays, their parents will bring the party to our classroom. Cakes, ice cream, birthday gifts, party hats, confetti.

Well my mother will cook something for us during our birthdays but it was not that special (sorry nanay hehe), I'm craving for more!

It was only when I turned 28 (yeah, just last year) that I promised myself to throw an annual get-together party as a celebration of my birthday.

And this is the best among all the parties I had on my 29th.

when love beckons to you, follow him.

2007-11-11T10:20:00.000+08:00

Let me share to you an excerpt from The Prophet, a product of Kahlil Gibran's brilliant mind.

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

I had read this first when I was just a freshman in FEU. I remember searching it in the book section as soon as I read Lualhati Bautista's Dekada '70 where she also included a part of this book (translated in Filipino) and is all about Gibran's message for parents.

I run over again this book... now in a different state. I read this ten years ago and all I was thinking about then is to earn good grades, and love (i mean true love and not just some sort of attraction, infatuation, or affection) doesn't seem appealling to me at all.

My cousins and I made a promise that we will marry when we reach 28 or 29, for no concrete reason at all. Too late, according to our aunties.

When I'm 27, the age when I was at the peak of my enjoyment, and i'm living in a great deal of independence, my titas already call me a spinster. Funny that they are the ones so affected by the thought that I no longer plan to marry.

It's not because I'm so unattractive, or sometimes intimidating (some says). It's maybe because it's not yet the right time for me to be in a relationship.

All I know is that during those times I just keep on telling God to please spare me from the heartaches, rejections and emotional stress that might devastate me. I don't want to be devastated and wasted. I had a share of the pains from some "not-so-serious/fly-by-night/so-so" kinds of relationship. And the idea that it was just a "not-so-serious/fly-by-night/so-so" kind, makes it more painful.

And I don't want to waste my life in a cent's worth affair.

So I made a pact with God that while I'm not yet ready to be with somebody, and I'm still earning a bucket of patience for my consumption in the future, I asked Him to look-over my future husband (whoever he is) and prepare him to become a good and loving and responsible husband for me. In exchange, I promised Him that I will take care of myself, prepare myself as well, and keep myself away from the impurities that this world is offering.

And we signed our agreement and had it notarized, witnessed by my guardian angels.

But every good, order-freak person has a contingency plan. In case, just in case, I was born without a soulmate, well maybe that's my destiny.

On the contrary, if I'm destined to be single until my last breath, then so be it.

Perhaps, we can meet in my next lifetime.
Perhaps, he was not born yet or already perished.
Perhaps, my soulmate's destiny is to be single too.
Perhaps, God decided that we don't meet in this lifetime because he's too stubborn and still immature that he will just give me headaches if we end up together.

I don't know... i have this strange feeling that in my past 20 lifetimes I was a Princess who was courted by a virile and chivalrous Knight in a neighboring kingdom. Envied by an evil princess of another neighboring kingdom who was so hopelessly in love with the Knight, she asked a witch to cast a curse on me on the evening that the Knight proposes.

Everybody in the kingdom was there, drinking buddies of my King father, mahjong playmates of my Queen mother, tennis buddies of my young brother and of course my Bes and all the King's constituents to witness the marriage proposal of the virile and chivalrous Knight. In the middle of the feast, a stinky witch, in black wardrobe and with a very noticeable wart at the end of her nose appears and gate-crashed on the party by saying she just forgot her entrance ticket.

Uninvited and annoyingly stinky, she got the guts to stand at the center of the ballroom and announced the curse that she will cast on me.

"Ahhmm excuse me (snorts), ahmmm ladies and gentlemen excuse me please... I just have something to announce. No, this won't take long, I still have some other cocktail party to attend to. Okay, here it goes...

"Are you ready? Gotcha!! Hihihi (snorts). Alright... Ahhm, this is to announce officially that being the kingdom's most sought-after witch, I cast a curse to the Princess, yes, Princess Mich, just this morning around 9am (snorts).

"Okay, she will remain as foxy, seductive, gorgeous as she is now in her next 20 lifetimes, yah, starting this day of course... but the catch is (snorts)... she will remain single for 20 lifetimes.

"Yes, well I don't know maybe she can commit suicide in her (snorts) 20 lifetimes, it's up to her. Oh no, I didn't say she cannot die, yeah, it's out of the curse. But well, I should not be giving you this tip but since you are so dear to me... well... yes folks, she can commit suicide I guess to expedite the process. She can even kill herself at the very moment she gets out of her mother's womb, say by cuting her wrist... no too bloody... yeah right (snorts), by hanging using her umbilical cord or by poisoning herself... it's really up to her. This way she can finish 20 lifetimes in 20 days (snorts).

"How's that? Tell me now, am I not bright (snorts)?? Hihihi... Anyway, so much for this. So I don't know Mr. Knight what you will do with your life now that Princess Mich cannot marry you anymore (snorts)... Well you can court instead the other neighboring Princess. I'll give you a referral."

And finally 20 lifetimes have passed and finally I'm already free from the curse.

So on the day that I am beginning to believe that maybe the envious evil princess from the neighboring kingdom asked for an extension of term from 20 years to 200 years, which the witch failed to announce because there were no party held anymore in the Kingdom after her exasperating appearance, I met Mr. Knight.

Too close... I was born when Henry (a.k.a. Rick) was already twenty years old and almost done in his puberty stage. Too bad, we haven't met as soon as got out of my mother's womb, just recently, after 28 years.

Because right after 28 years, I approached Mr. God and told Him that I am now ready to commit myself and has enough, no, an overflowing love to share with Mr. Knight.

Mon Aug 20 07:13:11 PDT 2007 Pacific Time
Rick: hi Mich
Mich: hi rick
Mich: how are you?
Mich: :-)
Rick: first time to see you here
Mich: yup
Rick: sayang i have to go to work in 5 minutes
Mich: i just created my profile yesterday...
Mich: so filipino ka
Rick: i see
Rick: oo
Mich: :-)
Mich: san ka?
Rick: saan ka sa manila
Mich: somewhere in manila
Rick: sa california
Mich: san andres
Rick: bukid?
Mich: really i have a cousin in LA
Mich: yup
Rick: saan
Rick: im about 40 miles north of LA
Mich: dunno where exactly in LA
Mich: she's a teacher
Rick: ok
Mich: anung work mo jan?
Rick: do you work Mich
Rick: im an Aerospace Engineer
Mich: wowow!
Mich: kinda
Mich: it's a long weekend here
Rick: i really wahe to go soon can you give me your email address
Mich: alright
Mich: michsreyes@yahoo.com
Rick: mine is *********@yahoo.com
Mich: alright
Mich: i wish you can show me some of your pictures
Rick: if you are interested i will send you pics
Mich: surely
Mich: i would appreciate
Rick: ill do it during my break time at 9:20
Mich: alright
Mich: what time is it there?
Rick: its 7:12 am
Mich: i see
Rick: got to go now
Mich: so catch you later
Rick: see you later
Rick: ill go online at 9:30
Rick: bye
Mich: bye

I'm a firm believer of destiny.

On the day I told my father about Henry, he asked me what if later i found out that I made the wrong choice. I answered him:

"Then that's my destiny. If things don't work out, I won't have any regrets because I gave my best shot. I loved. And in that remote possibility, destiny will tell me how to get out of that situation and will dictate what to do next."

And that is LOVE in the point of view of a twenty-niner.

//mich

11.11.07
San Andres Bukid
Manila

a paradigm shift

2007-10-08T17:37:00.000+08:00

Been haunted by these thoughts which I refused to entertain for some months now…

As usual I hailed a cab going to Davao airport. It’s already 1:00 pm and I’m booked at the 1:30 PM flight. I texted my boyfriend and I wonder if he will have second thoughts why on earth he fell for me for this perennial flight cramming. Har har har.

Okay. So this was the scene. At quarter to one, I bid goodbye to my super smart friend Jasmine Valerie and told this 2-year old fellow not to evade the doctors because they are our friends. At her age she can plot brilliant tactics on how to evade her doctors. She was confined because of pneumonia which her mom got so crazy about. So I bid her goodbye, told her that I love her and that TITA-NINANG-SEXY will always be beside her and that I was just a one-plane-ride away.

As I evanesced from her sight, I looked up in the heavens, praised God, closed my eyes and secretly wished for a baby as smart as her.

That was already quarter to one. In the cab while on my way to the airport, my mental faculties are playing some scenes of what to tell the airport authorities to convince them why they have to waive the late/rebooking penalty:

1. It was an emergency, I really needed to drop by at the hospital to visit my bestfriend’s ultra-smart baby. – “for all I care.”

2. I am a pathetic employee working 18 hours a day. I worked last night until 12 midnight and so I woke up late and oh, please understand - “so..?”

3. I had an LBM. I’ve been constipated for 2 weeks and I can’t miss that opportunity. – “that was funny but.. NO.”

4. Traffic. – “lame excuse. We don’t buy that.”

5. Manny Pacquiao’s big day. I’m a big fan. – “Jinky Pacquiao is that you?... No. Ara Mina?”

6. Marco Antonio Barerra’s big day. I’m a big fan. – “oww.. so what interesting facts do you know about him?” – He is a pet lover.

Oh God. I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll just submit to the authorities (just like what Ric constantly tells me).

But secretly in the cab while I’m on the way to the airport, I secretly wished that my flight be delayed. Say, for 2 weeks.

That would be better than my plan of self-inflicted sore eyes. Yes, please be aware that I’m willing to pay a thousand bucks in exchange for super sore eyes. Not that type that could get me nearly blind, just perfect so they could grant me a 2-week sick leave.

Just been to Davao Doctor’s Hospital but alas, not a single sight of a sore eye patient. It could have been her lucky day today.

This is not very me. How pathetic that at night, before bedtime all that I've been praying for and contemplating about is to get sick for two weeks.

A couple of months ago, two of the best consultants in the office resigned. I’m happy for them. Perhaps they grew so tired. My eyes flashed a peso sign. I could imagine the chargeable hours that I will be spending. Hmmm.. Smells like a bountiful commission.

Little did I know that the republic of the Philippines is plotting a conspiracy with my fellow consultants and before I knew it I was already swimming in the pool of nasty and problematic clients which they left with so many unresolved issues.

Since then, I've been losing a leaf from my vitality tree every single day. Every waking hour is an agony thinking that I will spend the day going from Metro Manila’s point A (Makati) to point C (Caloocan) then from point C go 3 steps to point B (Binondo). If you missed a step the snake will eat you and will bring you back to square 1.

I wish life is just as simple as a Snakes and Ladders game board.

In the past two years as a business applications consultant, I’ve gained confidence. Enjoyed the smiles of satisfied clients. Obtained so many praises and adorations. And most importantly, depended upon by so many people.

Hmm… for more than two years all I was doing is to give solution to their problems, suggest efficiency and effectiveness tips to help my clients meet their deadlines.

I’m far less good than my boss but I wanna bet all my savings that she is also thinking about this million-dollar question:

“I’ve been solving problems of so many people. When can I ever solve my own problems?”

And a few months ago that thought was a taboo.

I can’t conclude this time that I already lost a room for improvement, but as my MBA professor put it, “everything reaches its point of saturation, like Jollibee already reached the point when it cannot grow in the Philippines anymore because it already reached its peak. And forcing to expand more in the country might be a surefire downfall. That’s why it’s a good business decision that they are now penetrating the US market.”

Makes sense, no?

Paradigm shift. Shifting gears. Changing priorities. An awakening.

On our first dinner date, my boyfriend asked me about my priorities.

“I love my job, it gives me a sense of fulfillment, it nourishes me with the confidence that I need. I work from 8:30 AM to 10:00 PM from Monday to Saturday and even on Sundays and I call it passion.”

“Alright, so no plans like settling down soon? Having your own family?”

Oh well... I’m already 28. And he was right, for 3 years after my last relationship, thoughts like family and settling down never had a space in my mind and had never became part of my priorities.

And I said:

“It’s so hard to make a plan for something that is not feasible. I mean, it’s hard to think of a family and kids when I haven’t even met the prerequisites, that is, a loving boyfriend and a serious relationship and a mutual plans for the future.”

“Fair enough.”

(FYI I so love this man. Whenever I talk he just listens carefully to what I’m saying, afraid that he might miss a word, then stops, digests, then will just say a meaningful “fair enough”…hayyy…)

Paradigm shift.

And now I already met the prerequisites. (1) a loving boyfriend; (2) a serious relationship (as he guarantees it to me everyday); (3) and a mutual plans for the future.

Then suddenly I woke up in a strange room. I don’t see things anymore the way I perceive them in the past 2 years.

Those things which seemed so important to me in the past two years now presents itself as a dust in the galaxy, no value to me at all.

After a utopian dream, I woke up one day and realized that I want to have kids. I want to prepare my husband’s coffee in the morning. I want to teach my babies their first wise words. I want to prepare gourmet dishes for our weekend dinner.

Thanks to the diabolical convincing power of my lover that, having no efforts at all, he helped me see the other side of the coin and brought me to several awakenings about things which I never considered in the past.

I’m obsessed by these thoughts and it’s making me nuts. Whenever I resist these thoughts, my nose bleeds and my skull cracks and my ears melt. So I don’t have any choice but to entertain them.

Somewhere along the way God will ask the sojourner to decide which way she would want to take.

-----------------------------------------------

Mich in Deal or no Deal:

God: Okay in exchange for a successful career the company and a life well-patterned in a stencil where uncertainties are limited, is the box you chose. Inside the box is your future family, a relationship which, just like any other relationships, does not spell E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y and which you will just start working on. It can be a sweet life or a hell depending on how you and your partner will nurture it. Now Mich, you have to think once, twice, but this game show runs only for an hour sans commercial so you have to think fast and accurate. I’m not pressuring you but that’s exactly what a nasty game show like this should be. Now Mich, is it a deal or no deal?"

Mich: Oh God, how can you be so mean? Can I still think about it some other day? Can we resume the game next week? Oh God, I’m confused… (nose starts bleeding…)

God: Come on Mich don’t procrastinate… You are turning 29 next month and you still want to think about it…

Mich: why… ahmmm.. can I phone a friend in California?

Mich calls Ric.

Mich: Honey I’m on this game show live on TV. I need you to help me. Do I take the deal or not?

Ric: It’s a deal honey. Trust me.

Mich: What if it failed? What if I don’t become a good wife or mother? Arrrggghhh!!! Im so confused!! Im running out of time honey!

Ric: I’ve been watching your game kanina pa sa TFC channel and God is right, eternity is not one of the guarantees of a married life. I should know. It depends how you and your partner deals with it every single day.

Mich: Alright. It’s a deal!!!

---------------------------------------------

Wait... is there a difference being trapped in a dead-end road and being confronted by a road which is leading to different directions?

I feel so indebted to PAL for taking their precious time frolicking airborne this lovely Sunday afternoon. More power to you guys. I would appreciate it more if they stay airborne for 2 weeks, which will surely give me enough time to write a book. Why??! I’m serious!!

God really works in a stylish way. It is only these moments of solitude that I can sit down, contemplate and lay down my thoughts. Perhaps He notices me always looking far in the horizon lately. Perhaps He can no longer read my mind because everything inside me is messed up. Perhaps He cannot figure out anymore my list of priorities.

I’m on the end of the rope and I am losing grip. In a few minutes I’ll be in a new dimension. A new world which I never thought I wanted to be in.

Only my destiny knows where I will be in the next years to come. But as the adage goes: “Live life like there will be no tomorrow.”

Don’t know exactly the subject of this blog… Proof that my mind’s totally messed up.

//mich

Davao Airport

10.07.07

a renaissance

2007-09-10T08:45:00.000+08:00

call it serendipity or fate but everything has just been revived instantly in a blink of an eye.

can it really be that simple?

i mean it has been already 9 months and 25 days since we had an infamous fight. some disparaging words were uttered which severely hurt the more than 4-year-old friendship causing it to evanesce.

i got so hurt and all i did was to cry it out loud facing the sea in baywalk. i just cried it out overnight until my tearduct run dry. that maybe was the last time i cried.

worse, we both didn't had the humility and the spine to talk about what happened and mend things up.

and so we left the pieces and the memory of what seemed to be a "friendship- at-its-best" in a dump site.

he is my person. he's been the best company that i can have. during my formative years he was there showing me what the world is all about and what i can become. it may be too selfless but i must admit that the best years of my singlehood were those years which i spent with him.

however, during those formative years, i don't quite recall a few instance of him pleasing me. if there's a word "objectivity", he has overdone it i swear! he never mind hurting my feelings for as long he can tell to my face what's exactly wrong with me.

"that's the very essence of my existence... that's the reason why God sent me to you," says he.

"alright, convince yourself asshole! i'm not your brother!" says me.

"you are as white as a ghost juni, and you've been haunting the places we've been with your whiteness."

"And you are a flat-chested liar mich."

i don't know but in most cases that we're together i'd love to commit murder...

ever had a friend whom you can talk about everything under the sun with? from pebbles to galaxies? someone you can park yourself with in starbucks till 3 in the morning consuming all your energy with senseless and stupid talks and story-telling and you cannot just do anything but laugh till your tonsil get sore??

ever been comfortable telling a friend of the opposite sex some absurd changes and observations in your anatomy which he will then reciprocate by sharing with you a top-secret... uhhmm... like the scattered nerve endings that he just discovered planted all over his body?

and because of this maybe, just maybe, because of this comfort that we lived our friendship spiced up by bickerings and flavored with perrenial arguments.

since time immemorial i've been complaining about him enjoying his endeavor to belittle me and he was just ignoring it.

right after i survived my quarter-life crisis, i decided to resign from the bank to explore what's the world outside the box and unleash my potential.

everything became sweeter as absence really makes the heart grow fonder, so they say. for sometime we haven't had a fight. we make it a point to spend time together at least once a week but that was an unwritten and even an unverbalized rule. i knew for myself that one false move will wreak havoc in our friendship.

each meeting, a bad encounter. every minute, there's a bloody exchange of derogatory words.

one day God finally grew tired of our petty quarrels and he decided to send us apart. "You need some time off kids, try to grow apart beyond each other's shadow."

and from that day on, that fateful day that we decided to forget about each other, i kept all our pictures in a box, evaded the questioning eyes of our common friends and stayed focus on whatever is left with me.

i mentioned murphy's law in my previous post and never thought it could happen to me again this lunch time when i rushed to BPI bank to do some transactions.

up until now, i cannot understand why things happen when you least expect it. and right at that very moment, Juni was the last person that i wanted to see.

it's not because i didn't miss him. in fact, each waking hour of his absence, i'm haunted by the lessons i learned from him. things which i subconsciously adapted like being an order freak, obsessive-compulsive, outspoken, articulate, candid, argumentative (naaahhh!!!), etc.... and in the ocean of new faces, there is always his face peeping out.

but of course, that's murphy's law and fate surprised me with the sight of him right in front of my face.

to which, i just acted on receptively.

months have passed so swiftly, and i have enjoyed a great deal of freedom. the fun of meeting new people. the excitement of going places. doing whatever i wish to do... without him tagging along.

and now he surprised me with a sight of him at the very moment that i cannot trade my liberty with anything else in the world. maybe he got surprised too!

i said hi.

he said hello.

i said happy birthday.

he said thank you.

and i kissed him on the cheek.

then we exchanged numbers again.

then we laughed again so hard that we forgot we were in the lobby of the bank.

we picked up the pieces right where we left everything.

that is something i could not accept.

all those months i've been imagining how dramatic our reconciliation will be if ever..

"okay guys, i'm your director for the day and i want you to internalize... take a deep breath... mich, juni, listen carefully... i want to see tears rolling from your eyes down to your cheeks... and make it come out first from your right eye to give our audience a hint that it was a tear of happiness. to make it more cinematographic, mich i want you to tell juni that you hated him for being so manipulative then you juni, you will answer that it's all her fault because she's darn too submissive and can't stand on her own. at the end part of this scene, juni, you will admit that it was all your fault (yesss!!!) and you will promise not to do it again, just make sure that you will deliver it with a begging eye. after that, you guys will hug each other tight, so tight like it will be your last. got it? mich? juni?"

wow! hahaha, it's everything that i fancy.

and now we just bumped into each other again. funny that it seemed like we just had dinner the night before. no fuss... no hassles... reconciliation in an instance.

it could have been different if we met in front all of our friends. you know, reconciling just because they want us to reconcile "for old times sake" or "for our circle".

maybe this is the perfect time set by God. we learned our lessons while we're apart. we grew up outside each other's shadow.

we spent a day to catch up with each other's life. One whole day updating each other with each other's adventure... my Holy Week mountain hike, his southeast asian tour, my summer boracay vacation, his batanes trip.

and now we're both offering each other a better version of ourselves, seasoned by the experiences we had for the past 9 months and 25 days. we didn't make a vow, nor committed not to fight again. let fate take it's course.

God, i wish i know how to quit this bastard... :-)

//mich
9.10.07
makati city

be careful on what you wish for

2007-09-02T11:25:00.000+08:00

great things come in small packages..

it's sunday today, my time to relax after a week of a massacre-inducing work here in gensan. i woke up with a good coffee, a pleasant bath, good music, superb breakfast... yeah, what else can i ask for?

weeks ago, i kept on telling Angel (my roommate, no, peace-loving roommate, so she preferred to be described) that i want to go to baguio to spend time with myself, with just me, myself and mich. after the tremendous series of work that i had with different clients and the emotional fights i had with my bitchy sister,

Oh God,

i'd like to refresh myself...
i'd like to recalculate my hours remaining here on earth...

i'd like to re-assess the quality of the time i spent in the past 5 years...

i'd like to rediscover the other side of me...

i'd like to evaluate the all the lessons that i came across with and determine if all those are consistent with my values...

i'd like to discover the integrity of my connections with all my friends

i'd like to sort which friends should i keep and which should i let go...

in short, gusto kong mag-drama (dapat mejo teary-eyed).

okay, these are my objectives. and funny that Ms. GMA declared two long weekends.

hmm.. perfect! i could probably use one of those long week-end for my Mich Drama Special.

then i got a call. mich i'll send your plane ticket, you need to go to gensan on august 6 for 1 week.

alright. i might probably use the 1st long-weekend to visit my bestfriend in davao. that would be fun!

before i left gensan, my client then surprised me by announcing: "mich we need you to come back on the 21st (which is after the 2nd long weekend)."

alright. but how's baguio then?

how will i refresh myself then?
how will i recalculate my hours remaining here on earth then?
how will i re-assess the quality of the time i spent in the past 5 years then?
how will i rediscover the other side of me then?
how will i evaluate the all the lessons that i came across with and determine if all those are consistent with my values then?
how will i discover the integrity of my connections with all my friends then?
how will i sort which friends should i keep and which should i let go?

Pano na ang Drama Special ko? :'-(

forget it mich. you can have that later.

okay God.

it's tuna festival here in Gensan, so many people gather for the weeklong event.

i wish we also have something like that in manila... ahhmm, say lucky-me-pansit-canton festival or spanish bread festival, or a century tuna festival or a teriyaki boy festival or how about a cinnamon roll festival.. something like that..

and because of this festival, all the hotels are fully booked. as my stay here got extended, i got to hop to different hotels. the last hotel i've stayed doesn't have water running and that was early morning!!! so i freaked out and swore that i wont go back to that hotel. why? their services are all substandard.

or maybe my standard for services just got up too high?

anyways, after that early morning hotel incident, my client decided to let me stay in their staffhouse. i wanna cry this time because of the discomfort brought by packing in and out my things and transferring from one hotel to another... huhuhu. God i want some peace of mind :-(

at lunch time, i checked out my things from that substandard hotel then brought my things with me in the office.

one thing i like about my clients here in gensan, they are verrryyy hospitable. they always consider my comfort, they always ask me what i want to eat for lunch and dinner. they always ask me what time will the service car fetch me and bring me back to the hotel. worries about who i'll be with in my stay in the staffhouse.

the staffhouse is good, according to them. that is where their australian expats stay when they are here in gensan. and i am the first non-expat to stay in the staffhouse.

geez, what an opportunity!

so what's the catch??

why, is it haunted? well, if ever it is indeed haunted, i guess i have to deal with expat monsters and spirits too... uh-oh, not tikbalang but werewolves, not mananaggal, but count dracula, not kapre but incubus (wowow! i like that! ;-p)

after our overtime, i was brought to the staffhouse and the housekeeper was waiting for me.

at the doorstep, i just said a big WOW!

the place is very good! much much better than a hotel. a mini-theatre in the sala, a nice and comfy sala set, minimalist interiors with a touch of native design, a centralized aircon all over the house!

and of course... of course, a wi-fi internet connection! :-D

in my room in manila, if my stars align perfectly, i get lucky for getting a free internet connection. thanks to my generous and humanitarian neighbor for not securing his/her wireless hub. (God bless you whoever you are! this article is dedicated to you.)

tell me now what else can i ask for??!

and i'll be staying here for four nights. with no expats around. hihihi...

Oh no God, dont tell me this is your way to compensate me for my forgone Baguio trip! :-D i'm so amazed!!

and today is sunday. my time to relax. i could have visited again my bestfriend in davao but have to beg off because of an aching back. perhaps the effect of my massage last night.

and i woke up late, an excellent brewed coffee is waiting for me. a delectable breakfast, an envigorating music courtesy of my media player, and a warm and hospitable housekeeper.

i started my drama special last night, you know, the-letting-go-of-some-people-i-love part. but too bad i wasn't able to cry.

oh well, my tear-duct runs dry, i guess. :-(

... ahhhmmm, how about rubbing some vicks vaporub in my eyes?

oww.. come on, i wont do that this time... i've grown. ;-)

today is a sunday and this is the sunday that i've been dreaming to spend. no work, no phone calls from clients, no emails, no need for make-up, everything is perfect and unadulturated...

not conducive though to some other plans but that's alright.

just me, myself and mich :-D

//mich

9.02.07

SMI Staffhouse

General Santos City

this time I rode a star-studded airplane

2007-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

…and I myself is a celebrity too!

I have taken an airplane several times and all those trips are dead boring. Ah, except for the trip bound for Davao sometime January this year. Champ of Hale band appeared miraculously right in front of my face. I was seated in the aisle of the plane and he passed by. I really thought of drawing my last money in my wallet just to trade seats with the lucky passenger seated next to Champ. Haaayyy… too bad that my phone was already off; I didn’t get the chance to take his picture.

Well, years ago and I’m bound for Naga City, I was walking a cat walk inside the Centennial Terminal to check in my baggage when… ooopsss! I saw Jose Mari Chan in his corporate suit. I was so star-strucked! He saw me staring at him and then he smiled at me and greeted me “Good Morning!”

I swear a background music played at the back of my ears… “beautiful girl.. wherever you are… I knew when I saw you you had opened the door..” then my hair flipped as the gentle wind blows. And the world stopped. And people were staring at me… Pooofff. In disgust.

Come on Mich, stop dreaming. Hehe.

Going back, as usual I got to the airport again 20 minutes before boarding time. Being a frequent plane passenger, I mastered the art of rushing to the airport (thanks to my boss for teaching me this), checking in my baggage and paying the terminal fee in as fast as a speed of sound.

No, im just exaggerating.

I admit I am really guilty of disobedience on their 2-hour check-in policy. While others do conform, I can be spared. Besides, there can always be an exception to the rule. :-)

Alright, then the PAL person announced boarding in 5 minutes. Okay, just in time.

But wait.. wait!!

Omagas, that’s Marc Nelson!! Then the world suddenly stopped again. (camera zooms to his Adonis face.. then zooms to mine, make sure to capture my big wide smile huh!)

While in a state of euphoria, 2 voices popped:

Voice 1: come on! Approach him sweetie, ask him for a photo shoot! :-)

Voice 2: haller, are you okay? You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t want people to stare at you and smirk at you for being so chaka and so bakya! Picture? Duh!

Voice 1: why? What’s so wrong with that? You’re a fan and he’s a star and therefore it’s already moot and academic that you ask him for a picture taking. Aren’t you a fan?

Mich: I’m not a big fan but I like him in Sports unlimited though…

Voice 1: so what’s the matter? You are a FAN!

Mich: alright…

I was about to approach Marc Nelson but Voice 2 suddenly draws a pistol, shoots Voice 1 dead and then he poked the gun at me.

Mich: How can you be so violent?! With your angelic voice how dare you kill Mr. Devil? Poor Mr. Devil.

Voice 2: Say what? I’m so tired convincing people.. serves that asshole right.

Alright, alright! I’ll let go of this opportunity. Hmp.

Anyways, I just looked at Marc and when he saw me looking at him, I made it sure that he sees my killer smile. Wowowow! And he smiled back. I think he likes me too? ;->

While boarding the plane, I closed my eyes and I talked to God and asked for a sign:

“God, if Marc Nelson will be sitted beside me then that’s the sign. I’ll be the future Mich Nelson. I can’t do anything God but to heartfully accept your will for thy will be done.”

Whew, I never prayed this sincere before. Only Marc Nelson can bring out this side of me.

It’s nice to check in late. I realized that when you are the last to check-in, your baggage will be the first to be unloaded from the plane. However, you have to bear sitting at the tail part of the plane, just like where I am sitting now.

Geezz.. im so excited. Imagine the groom’s excitement while waiting for his bride while walking down the aisle. But this time it’s the bride waiting for her groom. (Aww come on! I’ts okay to be unconventional sometimes. Get out of the box dude!!)

A few minutes and seems like everybody has boarded the plane, there was no trace of Marc Nelson. Maybe he backed out. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he called the wedding off. Haaayyy… I’m back as Mich Reyes.

But hey, not so fast.

How surprising that the PBB housemates are here also. And as a consolation, God Almighty sent Robert as my seatmate.

Then as courtesy to my violent angel, I asked for her permission first to ask Robert for a photo shoot.

“Surely nobody would mind,” she just said in sarcasm.

So I asked this hunk for a picture take and he said, in his congenial voice: “Sure, sigey pow.”

Hahaha!!! This boy sounds so obedient and submissive, I wonder if he will do everything I say. *blink blink*

After 2 hours of ear-popping plane ride, we landed in Manila.

Oh no!!! Marc Nelson again!!

“This time I won’t listen to you my dear angel. I’m gonna take this shot and God knows what happens next!”

“Fine! Fine!”

So I grabbed my phone and approached him while he’s still preparing his things.

Geezz… my heart beats like a drum. Mich, all it takes is a sheer amount of confidence.

“Marc, can I take a picture with you?”

“Sure.”

And then we looked at each other. I flashed again my killer smile. He flashed his. Little by little we get closer. Closer and closer. The moment has gotten so intense. i just closed my eyes...

Poofff. If only I could ask God for an angel replacement. How can she be so kill joy?

Oh well, that was the story of this picture. I’ll cherish this day I realized my fantasy of having Marc Nelson in my life.

Yah, for like, 25 milliseconds.

//mich
8.20.07
on board PAL (Davao-Manila)

and my brother decides to marry

2007-07-14T14:03:00.000+08:00

I’m in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Repeated attempts by these gigantic waves to make my wooden boat sink. The sky is dark and not a sign of life. In the horizon there is nothing but water infested by sharks. In the sky, vultures are waiting for a single opportunity of me giving up. What shall I do?

That’s how I right feel now. My brother’s irrevocable notice of marriage is threatening my peace of mind. Thought it was just an initial plan, I didn’t see it coming.

He was just my sweet little bro. In the early years of our lives we were inseparable. Wherever I went in the neighborhood compound to interact and play with the other neighborhood kids, he was also there. His hands could either be occupied by his toy gun or his toy car. In my younger years I get to experience to be a certified nanny. If only the government would allow graders to work abroad as a caregiver or a yaya I would surely be qualified and can be part of the work force that gives life to our economy.

At night I’m in charge to clean him up and change him to his sleeping clothes.

When he’s just 4 years old, he loves singing Lionel Richie’s “Say you, Say Me” song. We thought he’ll be a good singer when he grows up… but never mind (he couldn’t even hit a good note, but he’s a good drummer though).

I can’t forget his first Ferris wheel ride. It was one summer night and my father brought us to a barrio fair (or Perya in layman’s term). My sister, my brother and I occupied one cabin and up we go. Seems like he cant take the ill-feeling and he uttered: “ate tumitigas ang titi ko!” Hahaha!! My sister and I just complained that the ride tickled our stomachs and he complained the other part.

When he went to school, I gave him a weekend class together with our other brothers. I terrorize them that if they will not attend the class they will be forced to sleep or will not be allowed to watch their favorite Bioman and Shaider.

It’s mandatory that they listen to my book readings so they will have a good grade in their reading comprehension test which I will administer after the class. I also gave them a basic drawing course. I taught them how to effectively draw a cat, a pig, a farm with mountains in the horizon where the sun is just starting to shine, and a boat in the river with fishes jumping over the water. My uncle has very good artistic hands (he’s the one making my projects in school if it involves art) and I learned some basic strokes from him. And that was what I am trying to impart then.

Dunno if I were a good teacher or if they learned from me. They just love drawing robots, Shaider and Bioman to be exact, much to my disappointment. “Well, it’s better that they have something to do like drawing Red 1 and Shaider and Annie in her white panty than be busy sniffing rugby”, I just consoled myself.

I know they hated me for imposing too many restrictions like, “don’t do it” and “don’t do that” and that’s one of the common reasons of our kid fights.

Call me KJ but as early as 12 years old I already felt that I am accountable for my brothers’ future.

When he was in highschool, I was about to do a recording of “hoy, mga assignments mo? May exam ka ah bakit di ka nag-aaral? Yung project mo na-submit mo na?” just to remind him of his obligations as a student. Dunno, I was just trying to see myself in them. When my sister and I were in elementary and highschool, we never gave our parents any trouble in school. Every grading period we usually went home with soaring grades and good news that we landed in the top ten honor roll.

When he was in college, and I’m already working on my first job, I usually paid him surprise visits just to check if he’s okay in his apartment. He got a part time job as a dining crew in Greenwich in Monumento while he’s taking up his Computer Science course in AMA Caloocan.

One day I learned that he failed a subject, I felt so bad and I got so emotional. In between sobs I explained to him why he needs to study hard. I told him:

“In the future and we all have our own families and we decide to have a family reunion, I dread that moment that you will appear to us so ashamed of having gone not so far and your life as a husband and a father to your kids is all messed up.”

Don’t know if those words mattered to him but at least I showed him the dark side of life that he must also see and avoid.

Then we moved to an apartment. One day he confessed that he spent the money intended for his tuition fee. Definitely I scolded him in rage. The next day he went home drunk and crying and his friend told me that my brother was so ashamed he doesn’t have any face to show me in embarrassment. He's even afraid that I already lose my trust in him. That’s a sign of relief on my part. Somehow I felt that he’s a bit matured and that he has now a succinct definition of what’s right and what’s wrong.

Then he graduated. With the help of my father he managed his own computer shop.

After sometime he got hired by my father’s employer in Iran and now he’s earning a fortune.

One day he broke the news that he’s marrying his infamous girlfriend this July. I felt so disappointed. He’s just 24, too young to dive in to the family craze. I told him to wait for the right time.

Thoughts like these bother me:

1. Later in his life and night life and bars are already accessible to him, he will be busy changing the diaper of his 3^rd child.

2. At the time tourism is very appealing and affordable to him, he will be spending his weekend at home cleaning the house and doing the dishes.

3. While all of us in the family is enjoying a birthday party or a get together, his wife might ask him to visit her family.

4. In the remote event that she meets a girl whom he will find more attractive, he’ll be caught in a dead-end situation.

5. When exploring things with his buddies during boys’ night-outs becomes very enticing, he will be busy figuring out why on earth he decided to marry so early.

Several attempts to convince him and show him the dark side of it. Everything I know about psychology was applied and all my convincing power got exhausted and still, he’s firm to his decisions. He said he’s already done with the boys’ night-outs and wants to give up his being single. Later I grew so tired of my litany. And I decided to hibernate for the meantime just to remind me again how it feels like having a peace of mind.

It’s not because I don’t like the girl because she is suffering from a very bad reputation in the society to which we all belong. It’s not because the girl is the favorite topic of the rumormongers in the neighborhood. It’s not because I do doubt if the girl will be a good wife to my brother because she never had an image of a good family of her own. It’s not because she will be left in our house and will stay with my mother for the meantime while they don’t have their own house.

And definitely not because he marries first before I do (my aunties’ allegations as well as my friends).

It’s because he still is my sweet little brother and I am not ready yet to give to him his life and tend to it without my guidance. There is this fear that he might be making the wrong decisions and pursuing it might cause him harm. That would definitely break my heart.

It’s just like him making his first steps when he was just learning to walk. I was always hesitant to free him from my assistance and let him try to walk alone as he might get out-of–balanced and might get a bad fall.

In the process I just told him that it’s his life and I bet he’s matured enough to stick to all of his decisions, no matter what the repercussions may be. Everybody has their fair share of pains and heartaches in this world and, God forbids, if along the way he realizes that he committed a mistake, he will always be my sweet little brother.

reminiscing incubus

2007-07-12T20:20:00.000+08:00

i'm browsing over my favorite incubus fan site and the chronology of their world concert tours captured my attention and made me reminisce the time tesimae and i spent a fortune just to see the singing prowess of the hot brandon boyd and his bandmates.

yeah, that was a hot summer evening of march 2004. the concert venue became a UP-LASALLE-ATENEO campus. tesimae and i just projected we were graduate school students just to be fair with the audience demographics.

can't wait for another incubus concert event here in manila, i'm willing to spend a fortune one more time.

//mich
7.12.07
8:49pm

i feel cheated

2007-07-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

It’a Saturday night, the weather is good and conducive to writing an article. I browsed over the TV channel and a show in Studio 23 caught my attention. It’s entitled Exposed: Pro-Wrestling’s Biggest Secrets.

Since my childhood I hate watching wrestling on TV. I am an inherent lover of peace and harmony and I really can’t take my father and my brothers’ Saturday night bonding TV show... wrestling. They so love it that boycotting dinner and locking myself inside the comfort room won’t work and won’t make them switch the channel to Smurf or Rainbow Brite or to some other less violent show. I really can’t see any reason why they patronize such inhuman and violent sports. Duh.

I mean why glorify the pain suffered by the wrestling star? Somebody got a spine breaking fall from the wrestling ring. Somebody got a killing chair smash. Somebody’s face broke because of a strong fist. Eeeew. Worse, they were so amused and even laughed so hard with the wrestling stars’ death defying stunts.

For years I’m condemning the sport despite the repeated reminder of my father. “Ano ka ba, scripted lang yan.”

Well, to be fair I gave myself a chance to watch it several times just to prove that everything was scripted. But most of the time I ended up backing out in the middle of the show. I can’t really stand the fight. Blood on their faces, bruises and cuts.

Then this show on Studio 23. Hahaha!! To my satisfaction it explained detail by detail how they execute each stunt, the tricks etc. where the major concern is the safety of the players. Even the scripts and the tactics on how to play around the audience’ emotions were carefully laid. Seems like it’s now a branch of science where all movements are precise, well planned and well choreographed.

I feel cheated!!! Why only now? For 28 years this sports gave me an ill-feeling and a sick stomach.

Now I got a different perception. At the end of the revelation, I can now see a cartoon show and excited to discover what’s new on their wrestling fight, and careful to discover any flaw that might be committed by any of the players.

Well, it’s never too late anyway.

//mich

7.07.07

San Andres Bukid, Manila

information overload

2007-06-28T17:12:00.000+08:00

...and finally after two weeks it's over! we we're now certified!

Oh well, not just two weeks. Emer and I have been burning our eyebrows for a couple of months but it never got as intense as the last two weeks. An ultimate test of patience, perseverance and tolerance against stress.

We were even afraid to hit the submit button but nevertheless, the day won't end without us knowing if we will pass or not.

Ms. Tini (our CEO) once said, if you want to succeed, you've got to have focus and enthusiasm. I just relived her advice and viola! :-)

the case of the missing database records

2007-06-16T16:32:00.000+08:00

I am a firm believer of the adage "When it rains, it pours; when it dries, it surely is a drought".

Warning: This is a sequel of the article a "The light at the end of the tunnel".

Not long after the hang problem was solved, another case was presented right in front of my nose. Well, this has been under investigation for more than two weeks but the problem is more serious than a process hang. This time, records in my client's posted Accounts Payable tables got deleted.

Logic dictates that it could be another middleware problem since it all started after we implement a middleware program. Oh God, why is this happening to my career??

So I began to harass the Product Dev Manager and if solving it ASAP means I will throw her some death threats or terrorizing her or abduct her kids, I'll surely do just to expedite the process.

We installed an Audit Master program to log all the activities by the user on the database. While installed, I asked the programmer to run a trigger query so all records deleted will transfer to a temporary table. It will surely lessen our burden.

After the "hang" case, where I lost a great deal of confidence to our Prod Dev Group, it's hard to believe now their claim that "it's not a middleware problem".

You want me to buy that this time??

It's Monday morning and the client reported another deletion of records. All posted vouchers for the month of May.

We looked at the Audit Master and a user name was logged as the culprit. Hmmm... smells like case will be solved before the day ends.

I sent the culprit some questionnaires laid in the most unsuspecting and innocent tone.

Then she replied: (I don't want to be mean but I will feel good if I post it here, some sort of sweet revenge, hehe)

And I quote:
"Starting January 2007, Ate Ella wasn’t able to give me a report because according to her, there’s a problem happened in her comp. So to meet our deadline in BIR I opened purge line item history transactions starting January up to the present to get all the withholding tax entry I needed. Since I can get a report the same as ate Ella’s report in this program, I continued using it thinking that I’m using a “View or read only” system."

Shoot! Case solved.

If only I were entitled to kill one stupid girl who didn't know what purge means. We kept on reconstructing the database and she kept on purging it. Is there anything bitter than this?

But please let's give her some benefit of the doubt. Let's check the training attendance they filled out. Ooops, she didn't even attended the training.

I discussed the findings to our client and they just laughed it all out. That's better than spilling out negative powers.

After that report, I was treated out for a sumptuous Chinese dinner. A tap on my shoulder and a good consolation and appreciation for all my efforts.

But still, I want to kill her if I'd be given a chance. Hehehe.

Omagas, the criminal instinct in me is nearing its birth.

the light at the end of the tunnel

2007-06-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

...And finally it's over! :-)

Just what iIve been constantly telling jay: "Bro, don't worry, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel."

We've been solving the case for the past 5 months. Application programs hanging at the peak of its processing. We already have the programmer take a look at the program but insisted that there is no problem.

5 months of email threads, phone calls, meetings about the next steps, bickering, sarcasm, nerve-wrecking conversations, promises to the client, compromises, testing, and 2 weeks of the middleware ban (thanks to Jay's brilliant mind).

...And finally the Product Development Group's fusion of each member's disorganized mind.. A final attempt to solve the case..

They worked hand in hand to take a last look at the program.

Then they saw that there's a button in the program that was turned off.

And they turned it on.

And they sent a patch to the client.

And the case was solved.

The problem we've been trying to solve for 5 months was just 1 click away from the solution. It caused lots of efforts, emotional torture, sleepless nights, frustrations, and even tears, not mine, but maybe the users of the program.

If only hearing and logic impaired people knows how to listen...

Duh.

blog renovated

2007-05-31T18:34:00.000+08:00

Viola!!

Welcome to my newly renovated blog site. :-)

This is the major renovation since it was built. I added a personalized header featuring a picture, no other than me, taken in Samal Island's (Davao) Paradise Island Resort in April 4, 2007.

I'd like to take this opportunity to say thanks to LEE. The word excellent applied to your programming powers is an understatement. Way to go man! (In layman's term: Many revision supports to go!) :-p

murphy's law

2007-05-29T10:16:00.000+08:00

Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet (or the sink).
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Everything takes longer than you think.
For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears on the market.
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
When you are waiting for someone for a long time, he/she will knock when you are in the bathroom.
You click on the send button, just when your eyes see the mistake on the email.
You are only very busy when your boss is not at the office.
If it can, it will.

That is Murphy's Law. And I myself have proven it last Monday.

Pissed off by a programmer first thing in the morning, I spent the rest of it testing the laptop I will use in a demo in the afternoon. I ran over my slides and outlined my script, and off we go after lunch.

At the prospect's place, I was in the middle of my presentation and receptive faces are in front of me when... Poof! The computer crashed.

When doing a pre-sales demo, first impression lasts. :-(

So KT called our technical department and they suggested that we do the demo through Goto Meeting connecting to my office desktop. Saved! But since it was just a remote connection, screens takes time to appear.

Murphy's Law: If there is a worst time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.

//mich
05.29.07
Makati City

Pahiyas Fiesta 2007

2007-05-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

The invitation arrived as early as March and we were all excited. Show me the colors!

But before that, our first stop is the well-known grotto:

The grotto in Barangay Tinamnam, Lucban, Quezon is no ordinary one. It is the third world's highest, second only to the Grotto in Sao Paolo in Brazil. And not only that, the Lucban's Mecca is administered by Fr. Joseph "Joey" A. Faller, the famous healing priest who draws thousands of visitors weekly to his church.

Construction of the grotto started in 1999 on a 6-hectare lot which was divided evenly for the grotto and the church. The lot was owned by Fr. Jose Ella. To get to the top of the grotto, one has to climb 292 steps. The image of Our Lady of Lourdes (10 feet tall) is at the center of the hill while a 50-foot image of the Ascending Christ in red robe with outstretched arms standing at the apex. The life-size statues of the 14 Stations of the Cross are spread all over the place.

That same day we proceed to the town proper of Lucban and see how the town folks prepare for the feast of San Isidro the next day. Too bad our camera ran out of battery so we didn't have a choice but to use my 1.8 megapixel fon camera. :-(

Somebody's cellphone got snatched too :'-( While everybody is feasting on a good harvest, some souls also feast on a good cellphone catch. Anyways, i won't dwell on the sad memories anymore...

Lucban's San Isidro Pahiyas Festival has been dubbed the “most colorful and flamboyant festival” in the Philippines – a name well-earned by the people of Lucban, Quezon, who honor their local patron saint (St. Isidore, who was a farmer before becoming a saint in Madrid) on May 11-15 of every year with varied festivals sprinkled throughout the town, capped by a religious procession along the streets. The procession's route changes every year and determines which houses will be adorned with “pahiyas,” or décor.

The next day we roamed around the streets of the town of Sariaya, where they also celebrate the Pahiyas fiesta. It's kinda different though as decors are basically made not of colorful kipings but instead, of woven bamboo something, and woven coconut leaves and woven anahaw leaves. Hehehe, in layman's term, they are using native colorful products like hats, abanicos, baskets and bags. Alongside of each house, was a bamboo stalk adorned with variety of stuff which people will pick as the procession of the patron San Isidro steps in front of their house.

Me, Kimmy, Lawrence, Michael and Richard

On the campanario of St. Francis of Asissi Parish overlooking the town of Sariaya, Quezon Province

Character Test

2007-05-22T18:14:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine forwarded a character test which i took at once and below is the result.

Amazing! I find it so true! If you want a sample of the test please express your intent via email: michsreyes@gmail.com

Try it and find out yourself! :-)

Boracay

2007-05-19T11:24:00.000+08:00

Ah, summer, what power you have make us suffer and like it. --Russell Baker

It's my first time in Boracay. Some say it's a paradise. Some say it's a sanctuary for wasted souls. I don't know.

May 11. I rushed to the airport to catch our 5:30 flight to Bora via SEAIR. It's a 35-minute flight on-board a 35-seater plane. Coincidence??

By 8am we were at Queen's Resort (Station 3). The weather was a little bit moody then. Kimmy and I, having been to a week of low-EQ, are throwing tantrums and confronting the sun for not showing up. Geezz... where do we pour our coppertone? How about our long-dreamed tan lines?

After breakfast, we started frolicking around and cut loose from Station 3 to Station 1. Its a 4-kilometer walk under the sun and in just a few minutes we already had our tan lines. Definitely another tan lines when we swim, I won't wonder if people from Manila Zoo or Avilon Zoo chase us and bring us to a pound for having mistaken us as zebras at large.

White Beach is the main tourism beach. The 4-kilometer stretch is lined with resorts, hotels, lodging houses, restaurants, and other tourism-related businesses. So as a friendly advice, bring yourself a good wheelchair if you dont feel like walking 8 kilometers back and forth from Station 3 to 1.

In Bora you will find all sorts of people from all walks of life. Blacks, Whites, Youngsters, Oldies, Gays, Lesbians, name it! It's a great venue to meet new people and learn new trends in beach fashion.

We took the famous banana boat ride. All we got was a great deal of salt water splash on our face. Good thing I have my goggles (courtesy of Lawrence). It's already prohibited to drop people in the water due to numerous reported banana boat accidents. So that's all you can get from that Php130.00 ride.. a splash of salty water on your face. The picture is neither rewarding. As you can see, my friend Lawrence was at the first seat so he enjoyed tremendously the pictorial between him and the speedboat driver. I was at the 7th seat of the banana boat and the lens didn't capture us in action, just Lawrence.. I might as well crop my face on his picture and post it here as a proper documentation of my first banana boat ride. Should I've known ahead the advantage of taking the first seat, I should have cheated him and lied to him.. How about.. "Lawrence, you cannot join us now in this ride.. Ms. Tini wants to talk to you.. perhaps will discuss to you a salary increase.." or "Renz, you have support call.. important daw.." or i'll pay a boatman to pretend that he's drowning and Lawrence will jump on the water to the rescue... Hahaha!!! If I only knew the advantage of taking the 1st seat.. tsk.. tsk.. tsk...

At night, Bora is a hell of a party place. After our ABM Bora Birit Contest (which turned out to be like a comedy bar -- officemates blaming me and Sir John for causing them stomach ache due to exorbitant laughters), the group diffused like a molecular particle and invaded Station 1 to find a good bar. I was not able to join them on the 1st night as I my mind was already flying due to the euphoria of the party and lack of sleep.

On our second night, we really made it sure to enjoy the place to the fullest. We parked ourselves at Pier One and filled our bellies with Vodka Ice. I was with my friends Carrie (Jaren), Miranda (Kimmy), Charlotte (Maan) and Carrie's friend, Mr. Big (Alvin). Hahaha, it's like my favorite Sex in The City series doing a summer special episode shoot in Bora.

We partied like we never did before. When you are a stranger to a place, you acquire an extreme level of liberty. Lesser inhibitions, more daring attempts to be yourself. Besides, nobody knows you but yourselves. And that's what makes Bora special. Like you, everybody is just a transient to the place and you can do whatever you fancy. I was just so lucky for having blessed with righteous friends so i didn't lose grip from reality, hahaha!!!

And it seemed like our auras shone so bright then, we were dancing to our hearts content when three Londoners approached us (Tekki, Troy and Simon) to party with us. They are lawyers and they plan to spend a week in Bora. Too bad they didn't even get our numbers neither they bought us drinks, much to our disappointment. We soon realize that it's a Dutch Treat policy in London. I've met Norwegians (When I Came Across Two Bizarre Creatures, 2.10.07) and they were so chivalrous and know very well how to treat women. Well, London is miles away from Norway isn't it? So there is no point of comparison.

After the bar, that's already around 2:30am, we screamed a lot. Names of important guys. I shouted in Kimmy's behalf. Hahaha! Nobody will hear it anyway since the music at the bar rebounds all over the place. We wrote the names of some important guys on the sand. I also wrote on Kimmy's behalf. Hahaha!! One grand for a clue. Guess the name I wrote?? Clue?? Ahhm.. it starts with the letter B.

One thing I like about Boracay is that you can wear your two-piece. The skimpier the better. Swimsuits you've been fancying donned on you. If you can stomach wearing nipplets and bandaids to cover your privates, much much better. Alas! I just wore a swimsuit, a conservative one. That's the law of etiquette: Always consider the comfort of other people. Hahaha! So being a well-mannered bitch, I considered their comfort and chose not to show my flabs and love-handles.

In our desire to show ourselves some skin, we braved walking again (for the nth time) from Station 3 to 1 (in addtion to our growing corns and varicose veins) and there we removed our shirts and shorts. Guys, you cannot swim with your skimpy swimsuits on in Station 3, haller. You deserve a good audience than fishermen, boatmen and peddlers.

And also a special thanks for our tattoo sponsor. Tattoo near the bellybutton and at the back over our asses. It gave us the confidence of a newly introduced showbiz starlet of a so-so movie production outfit. That tattoo will surely give advantage to our career. More commercial endorsement offers (Sampaguita scotchtape, Maxam toothpaste, GoodMorning towels, Kendimint candies, etc. etc.) and barrio fiesta guestings.

I think I've said too much. 3 days and 2 nights stay is just right. But I wish I could have stayed longer. Boracay is perfect, if given the perfect set of companion. I was lucky I was with the girls. :-)

It's my first time in Boracay. Some say it's a paradise. Some say it's a sanctuary for wasted souls. Now I could perfectly understand.

//mich

5.19.2007

makati city

The Banker and the Consultant

2007-05-16T19:47:00.000+08:00

Today marks my 2nd year with ABM Computech Enterprises, Inc.

Let me tap my shoulders.

For my 2nd year flick, let's compare Mich the Auditor vs. Mich the Consultant

The Auditor spends most of her time daydreaming and imagining things while the Consultant act on the things she thought of doing.

The Auditor is passive while the Consultant is aggressive and knows what she wants and knows very well how to get it.

The Auditor acts within the limits of her boundaries while the Consultant defies the limits. She says: "If we can't do it this way, try the other way!"

The Auditor is meek and timid and coddles a roaring tiger inside her while the Consultant is trying to tame the rapacious beast the she became, with her every word uttered with conviction.

The Auditor rides an airplane once a year while the Consultant takes a plane ride every month.

The Auditor knows how to tickmark a stack of paper using multi-colored pens while the Consultant knows very well about databases, ERPs, and program designs.

The Auditor attends a regular training on fraud detection and bank system procedures while the Consultant gives training to ERP users.

The Auditor knows a little about how a bank operates while the Consultant studied how various businesses works: paper milling (B2020), banana plantation (Unifrutti), school (FEU), fiber optics and communication infrastructure (E-MVI), airline catering (MacroAsia), etc. etc.

The Auditor is prodigal while the Consultant is frugal and knows the value of her money.

The Auditor is a little less of a bitch while the Consultant is now a full-blown bitch (c/o Sir John, thank you! ) >:-

Two sweet years have passed and I'm counting decades. Many new faces, many new encounters and from each of them I will surely learn something new.

As the lessons pile up, I need to discard some of the files I stored.. mostly, lessons which I already knew by heart (guys, come on! im just keeping a gig worth of internal memory.) Not just lessons, but sometimes we need to keep memories of people we once knew in the recycle bin, especially if your storage capacity is running low and performance might be compromised...

In that two years, I perfected the art of letting go. Letting go of things and people for you to move on. One good lesson I have learned in my Kitanglad climb (May 2007) is: Leave all your excess baggage. It's better to climb a mountain hands-free.

So from this point, i'll check the files stored in my Heart and my Mind and will send to archive all the files i don't need.

Im giving my next few years a good start again.

Two sweet years have passed and I'm counting decades.

//mich

05.16.2007

Makati City

Biorhythms

2007-05-09T10:24:00.000+08:00

After an exhausting long day yesterday:

woke up early

went to the airport to catch the 6:55 flight to Cebu and got shocked when i heard my name on the speakers. i was the last passenger to board the plane.

prepared our booth for the event and endured 6 hours of humidity (should i have known earlier that the place is not airconditioned i should have worn a tube instead!)

devoured Flame-It burger at 4pm, which is far more better than Wendy's (according to my standards)

rushed to the airport for the 5:55pm flight back to Manila.

Now i feel so harassed, like a mutilated 20-peso bill.

I checked my Biorhythms (http://www.bio-chart.com/) and this is what it says:

Wowow! I'm so impressed. Very true. Try this site and discover your mood for the day. :-)

FYI:

The theory of biorhythms claims that one's life is affected by rhythmic biological cycles, and seeks to make predictions regarding these cycles and the personal ease of carrying out tasks related to the cycles. These inherent rhythms are said to control or initiate various biological processes and are classically composed of three cyclic rhythms that are said to govern human behaviour and demonstrate innate periodicity in natural physiological change: the physical, the emotional, and the intellectual (or mental) cycles. Others claim there are additional rhythms, some of which may be combinations of the three primary cycles. Some proponents think that biorhythms may be potentially related to bioelectricity and its interactions in the body.

Cool! c",)

A Mistake Almost All Women Make With Men...

2007-05-07T15:48:00.000+08:00

For paranoid women out there... Here's to you.

I'd like to share a very interesting article for us girls, hope you learn from this stuff too. It's an excerpt from Christian Carter's book called "Catch Him & Keep Him". Enjoy reading!!

There's one mistake that almost all women make with men they're interested in.

This particular mistake is the source of so many different problems women have in their lives and relationships, that dealing with it should be a healthcare benefit or something. Ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but you get the point. And by the way, men make a similar mistake, but it shows up in different ways. The mistake is allowing yourself to become OVERLY EMOTIONAL around the person you're dating in a negative and self-destructive way.

So then what happens?

The short-lived emotional outbreak that was only a big deal to you at the time, finds a way to screw up the great situation that you have going.

What's going on here with how men react?

Why do some men make such a big deal out of having strong feelings, caring so much and wanting to talk and share? The truth is, doing these things is showing the man that you're EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

And nothing says "RUN" to a guy more clearly early on than these intense negative emotional "episodes" and an out of control partner.

Let me remind you of something important...

When most women start dating a great guy, they have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and BELIEFS about where things are going and how they might work out.

These are common, satisfying and exciting thoughts.

And often times, it's the power of these positive feelings that are the catalyst in helping women look past the FEARS and NEGATIVE FEELINGS from past situations and move into something new.

In other words, these POSITIVE FEELINGS and BELIEFS become the driving forces to "try it again".

In this situation, lots of women tell themselves in the back of their minds:

"I'm smarter now."
"This time it's different."
"I'm over that bad period of my life where I let jerks and immature 'boys' mess up my life."
"This guy wouldn't hurt me the way that other jerk did."

But the reality is that lots of women who tell themselves this aren't actually "different" or "smarter" at all. The only thing that's changed is the scenery.

Instead, they still carry the FEARS and NEGATIVE BELIEFS that hold them back from creating new situations and experiences in their lives. But then it happens...
In the new situation, with the new guy, things suddenly stop being so easy, so new and so "perfect". And eventually something seems "off" or goes wrong here too with the new guy, even if it's something small.

And "WHAM!"

All the old fears and negative beliefs come rushing back out of nowhere. That familiar sick feeling in the stomach is back. The guy problems they thought they had left behind followed them here too. So they FREAK OUT.

They become anxious and those voices start playing in their head again.

"There must be something wrong with me."
"There are no good men... they're all selfish jerks and I'll never find one who gets me and can really love me for who I am."
"I'll never find true love, so I should just give up and stop putting myself through so much pain."

I bet you've got a few of your own here to add to the list from that negative voice in your head. We all do. And you know what? All of these are utter and total CRAP.

Here's what I've learned about these voices...

When these negative voices start getting louder, most women leave behind the confidence, "positivity" and optimism they had with a man that helped create the great situation in the first place. And they literally become DRIVEN by fear. All the goodwill disappears and is replaced by defensiveness and negative sensitivity. This is what it's like having ZERO control of your emotions. And guess what? This is 100% "GRADE A" MAN REPELLENT.

Men do not want to get involved or committed to women who act emotionally dependent from the start and "lose it" at the first sign of difficulty. When most women see the first signs of trouble or that a man is acting "non-committal" after becoming close and "invested" in the situation, they FREAK OUT inside. When a man doesn't call back or starts to withdraw, they get upset and afraid and act in fear. When a man doesn't share the same feelings at the same time in the same way, they become nervous and unsure in everything they do with a man.

The point I'm making here is that if you allow yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in situations with men, and dependent on their behavior for your emotional state, it will screw you up. Guaranteed.

And even worse than letting your emotions control you and your behavior is trying to TALK men through all of the emotions and fears.

This is a nail in the coffin. Think about it for a second... Most men don't even talk through their feelings or fears with their BEST FRIENDS. Men prefer to confront, challenge, ignore or break through fear in some kind of masculine way. Anything but observe or share fear. It's not part of their make-up. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's the truth.

Get where I'm going with this?

But hold on a second... Emotions are GOOD, right?

Shouldn't we listen to them and respect what they're telling us? Doesn't a man need to be there for his woman if she's going through something? Aren't emotions the thing that allow us to really EXPERIENCE life in a deep, rich and meaningful way? And isn't it wrong and harmful to try and "control how you feel?" Isn't it better to just "be who you are" and not beat yourself up because you feel or think about things in a certain way? And wouldn't ignoring or avoiding your feelings turn you into someone you're not?

Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say "I can't help the way I feel"...? We all have. We even have TERMS that we use to describe when we're overly upset and just need to "get it out". We call it "venting" or "dumping". I call it the "drama vomit". lol

So here's the question I'm getting at... Is it "OK" it to be upset, to get emotional, and to show EXACTLY how you feel inside with men?

YOU CREATE WHAT YOU SHARE

To make things simple, let's put emotions into two categories...

There are those that you could consider "positive" emotions or those based in "joy". And then there are "negative" emotions. or those based in "fear". In other words, there are the emotions that make you "feel good" and emotions that make you "feel bad".

We all know that emotions aren't "self-contained". Isn't it frustrating when you feel angry or down and you just want a man to hear you and listen to you - but then they get all wrapped up and intense just because you wanted to share? Well, if you've ever had this happen to you and you got frustrated or angry about it, then you've got something important to learn.

Emotions are CONTAGIOUS.

In other words, when you feel an emotion, you can very easily pass what you're feeling on to the person you're sharing it with. And the stronger you feel the emotion, the more it will "over-ride" the other person and get them on your emotional level. Even if their level is CONSTRUCTIVE and POSITIVE and yours is DESTRUCTIVE and NEGATIVE. And when an emotion starts to become too strong, it literally TAKES OVER your mind and body. Then you're driven with your body language and your words to share that feeling.

In some situations, this can be a very powerful POSITIVE thing for a person. Imagine your favorite actor or singer giving a world-class performance... you can literally FEEL the emotions they're feeling. Or how about when a man surprises you with a romantic night with candle-light and he's open, connected and sharing himself with you. It can be an amazing experience when they allow their emotions to take over. And you get to go there with them.

But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE thing as well.

Have you ever been spending time with a guy and he became LESS CONNECTED to you as you were becoming MORE CONNECTED to him. It probably made you so nervous, anxious and out of control that you made yourself sick.

When an emotion becomes so strong that it actually "becomes you", your behavior and your
sole motivation... then you're out of control. Emotions can actually trick you into trying to CONTROL others, just to get back to where you feel comfortable. And instead of simply communicating what it is that you're going through and what you want, you actually try and make the other person FEEL the bad things that YOU FEEL.

Ouch.

And sure, the short-term payoff for this is usually some sense of immediate relief or resolution. You get your feelings off your chest and get to release them, which can feel great at the time. But the long-term effects aren't so sunny.

So let me ask you...

What if your quality of life and your relationships could be BETTER than the negative emotions and fears that hi-jack your mind?

What if you made a man feel a deep sense of LOVE instead of sharing the contagious NEGATIVE EMOTIONS that come from your fears? And what if you broke out of those same old patterns that keep happening again and again?

FEAR AND THE UNCONSCIOUS POWER OF EMOTIONS

Strong emotions create strong MEMORIES. We tend to remember things better if we were feeling a strong emotion at the time. Especially if the memory came during or after an intense emotion.

I can remember so many situations in my life where I was too nervous and afraid to share myself completely with a woman or to "be myself". So I kept one foot out the door and I'd never say much about what I really wanted and needed in a relationship. It was my secret excuse and my way of staying unhappy so that I didn't have to fully commit to creating a great life with the woman and take any responsibility for my own experience or the woman's. I can remember situations TEN YEARS AGO vividly where I was so nervous and uncomfortable when relationships became serious that the emotion burned the image into my mind. When this kind of thing happens a lot (like it has with me), it starts to make a "feedback loop".

In other words, most of the strong memories I had about relationships with women were situations where I SCREWED UP and made myself feel unhappy, unheard and uncomfortable... so I had less and less comfort and confidence as the years went by that I could never feel happy in a long-term relationship. Give me a nod here if you know what I'm talking about.

THE "EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION" THAT WILL MAKE A MAN ADDICTED TO BEING CLOSE TO YOU

I'm sure you've already figured out that I'm going to suggest that you learn how to "own" your emotions in situations with men. Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY it's important to do this. Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of the "logic" changes. You have to stop thinking about what you've learned about being "in touch" with ALL of your emotions and realize that a man's ATTRACTION isn't triggered by you being EVERYTHING that you feel.

That's a nice fairy tale, but it's a lie.

Your friends, your parents and your girlfriends might give you "unconditional love" and understanding in this way, but men won't start to feel love, passion and connection with you if you're playing out ALL the things you feel with him.

So I have TWO good reasons why you need to learn how to own your emotions around men:

1) If your emotions "own you" early on, you probably won't even be able to talk to him or date in a fun and spontaneous way that men crave. You'll just be too FREAKED OUT to even get to the good stuff with him - and God forbid, help him see his way through all his potential hang-ups.

(Not that you want to...lol)

2) Men aren't ATTRACTED to women who let their emotions control them all the time and drive their interactions. This is ESPECIALLY true when women act needy or overly-sensitive to anything the guy does or says. Overly needy women will never figure out how to get to that fun, playful, risky, passionate state with a man that brings him close and spells "long-term girlfriend material" in his mind.

We talked about the first reason already. Let's talk about the second one.

Why don't men like women who are overly-emotional?

Because men NEVER feel ATTRACTION for women that they can CONTROL. The more control a man has over you, the less ATTRACTION he feels for you. The less of a CHALLENGE you are, and the more PREDICTABLE you become, the less ATTRACTION he feels. It's very simple.

To put it another way; if you're the type of woman who lets her emotions TAKE OVER, then you need to learn how to "own" them. If you don't, you're going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with men after a date or two.

THE FIRST STEP...

I think that the first step in learning how to own your STRONG emotions is to realize how they're created or "triggered".

Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED. Something happens that "pushes a button" inside of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it. But the fact is that these "triggers" have a structure to them. There are all kinds of little things that happen during that "trigger". One of the biggest insights that I've had about these "triggers" is that they're usually caused by making something that happens MEAN something negative. In other words, it's not the actual situation itself that "pulls the trigger" or "pushes the button"... it's what you think it MEANS.

For instance, let's say that you've met a great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then he wasn't as quick to call you and make plans as he was at the very start. You wait a day or two, and he doesn't even call. What do you usually think?

"Maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he has a another woman. Maybe he's trying to avoid me. Maybe he's withdrawing like those other guys did in the past."

In other words, we make the fact that he didn't call back MEAN all these different things.

Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is that women allow their imaginations to take over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes. Then they get nervous about that outcome happening and FREAK OUT.

The point is that most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the WORST possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations... and it pushes all the wrong buttons, and gets us all nervous and upset... which, of course, makes us screw everything up. When it comes to men, it's important that you lose the need to make everything MEAN something... and STOP imagining the worst. Think about those situations when a man doesn't call you back... or plays hard to get. Yeah, thinking that someone is playing games sucks, but the belief that there's a "game" going on is exactly the kind of negative meaning I'm talking about. If you immediately start to wonder where he is... what he's doing... and who he's with, you create the game in your mind. Then you make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc. and it's really upsetting.

Bad idea.

This is the kind of thing that makes us do all KINDS of stupid things that scare the other person away... like calling 100 times a day, asking where he was and what he was doing, etc. Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:

1) Visualize your ideal outcome.

2) Make POSITIVE meaning out of the experience for yourself.

If he doesn't call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally DOES talk to you, he's going to be even MORE interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other. If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, realize that he's first of all feeling that way because he REALLY likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. He's scared of his deep feelings for you and doesn't know how to deal with that yet. And that once he figures it out for himself, he'll miss you and want you... and you don't have to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

There's nothing wrong with you or how you are. And it's great that you got to see this problem of his early on, and that it's his to deal with.

Does this stuff sound strange?

Well, I'll tell you something...

All of the women I know who end up in great long-term relationships, with great attractive men think this way. This is their mindset. Have you ever noticed that confident people seem to get more confident. That optimistic people tend to get more optimistic. That people who believe in luck seem to get more and more lucky. And that people who are negative seem to become more and more negative. It's almost like a universal magic. The more we expect things to go well, the better they go. Try it, it works.

Also, start noticing those particular things and situations that trigger your strong "negative" emotions. Learn to spot the signs that it's about to happen, and then learn how to keep yourself centered. If you can learn how to do this, the quality of ALL your relationships in your life will improve DRAMATICALLY.

Especially with men.

Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. It's also important to learn how to improve your self-image, overcome FEAR, maintain your emotional and physical attractiveness, and communicate using your "truest" indicator of desirability to a man - your body language... Then you can learn how to learn, grow and stay connected with a man in each and every
situation that comes up.

Navision Rocks!!!

2007-05-03T19:04:00.000+08:00

Welcome to Microsoft Dynamics Nav!

What is Microsoft Dynamics NAV?

Microsoft Dynamics NAV offers growing small and midsize businesses a powerful yet cost-effective solution that can be tailored for your company. It can support customization and add-on software to meet industry or other specific needs. In addition, it can adapt as a growing business needs more power and functionality.

I've been to a brain-damaging Microsoft training for 2 weeks (April 16-28, 2007). For someone who was fresh from a nature trip, that 2-week affair was nothing but a pain in the ass. Promise.

But I must admit I was so awed by the functionalities presented to us by Sharukh (an Indian national who is so well-versed with the ins and outs of this product). We almost suffered from a lock-jaw as he navigates us on the screen.

How pathetic that Platinum for Windows (the product I am currently implementing) never thought of something so powerful like this. On the second thought, every ERP is special in its own ways.

Goodness! If God will give me a chance to meet those brilliant minds, I will worship them I swear!

The training was indeed a haven of good food. Thanks to the gustatory bliss brought to us by Carlito's Lechon Cebu (I really insisted on getting their business card for future business). Lunchtime became a sanctuary for us, and became my most awaited time of the day.

After two weeks of hi and hello to each other, of war-like arguments and nerve-wrecking discussions, my classmate finally decided that we should hold a graduation party and volunteered me to be the host. :-> (As if I get paid for that?? Hehehe. Do I really have the aura?)

Luckily I discovered the hosting powers of FB, who called himself FAFA-BLE FB after discovering that I am MAMA-BLE MICH.

This is Sharukh Tara, teary-eyed after we handed to him our token of appreciation for enduring "the toughest and most active class" he has ever handled all over the world. Good thing he brought with him a sackfull of patience and still maintained himself composed after a series of questions exploding from anywhere in the classroom.

That is something I need to learn after all. Patience, patience, patience.

We all went home with a smile, as if we found an amulet in order to survive the information technology battle. And that I think I should be proud of. Navision will surely open doors for me.

New faces.

New challenges.

New places.

New experiences.

As Uncle Ben once said to Peter Parker: "Anak, Great powers come with great responsibilities."

//mich

05.03.07

Makati, Philippines

Kitanglad Chronicles - Part II

2007-04-10T11:52:00.000+08:00

Witness my two-day romance with nature. I fell in love at first sight.

Once in your life you have to make love with God's greatest creation next to man: NATURE.

This is the summer affair I wont ever forget in my entire life. So passionate, so vivid that I might even bring all these memories with me in my next couple of lifetimes.

"This is destiny Lee, it's already written," I told lee while taking a walk along the stretch of Makati Ave. , as part of our so-called "lame preparation for the hike".

Funny that we just decided to join on-the-spot. I was bombarded with hiking success stories for two weeks by my bros and all i can say is: "Yes bro, i'd love to go but i dont have the stamina." Then somebody said (itago sya sa pangalang Nico): "No Mich, you just need to have the heart." And upon hearing him blurt-out the magic words, i said YES.

True enough, when nature calls you (call of nature ito), you cannot say no. All you can do is to submit to his demands, do anything that he pleases.

My story begins inside the red van and let's call her "Red Riding Hood." Okay fine. I'll just stop balderdashing around for no words can explain this thing inside me. Just pictures.

i'm ready with my 1 bottle Spanish Sardines.. enough reason for me to go on hehehe...

Meeting at the UPI Malaybalay Staffhouse: "Can we have like Gu-La-Lu for breakfast?"

At the foot (Tiilan sa Mt. Kitanglad) of the mountain: OKAY KA LANG AJOE?

Dadi Edwin: "Itong picture na to ang mag-prove na magaling akong climber. Alang pwedeng manloko sa kin.... I feel cheated!!!"

lunch time!!!

Sa Gilid Ng Bangin: Teng anung tinitingin-tingin mo sa kilikili ko??

The sweepers a few steps na lang and we're there!!!

FHM (For Homosexuals Magazine) 2007 Kitanglad Edition: Hot Girlalush on Top

The mountain climbers meet the social climber ("look guys! im wearing my i-pod!!")

can i like ponder on things muna, sort of finding myself where in the world am i right now?

The PBB Housemates (Season 235: Mediocre Edition)

Sunrise at the Peak: Waking up as early as 5:00am has never become this worth it.

Bulilit Japorms 2007 Grand Champion, Baby Ian, strikes a pose with the jurors, ABS-CBN and GMA towers at the background.

We're now in heaven, 9,000++ feet above sea level.

The Kabuliskad Group

Going down, foggy and mossy around.

My 67th visit in Canada, i'm with my Filipino friends who's just new to the place.

(Duh!! This picture could have been mistaken for a winter shot in Alaska or Canada, if not for Enteng and Popoy at the frame, hehehe.)

The Sweepers, going down.

yahoo!!! we did it!!!

Kitanglad Holy Week Special

I QUIT!!

going home!!

Kitanglad Chronicles - Part I

2007-04-03T22:10:00.000+08:00

Chapter 1: The Tactics - Victory Shall Be Ours!!

Special thanks to Kimmy, who never had second thoughts to finance this trip. Kim, ito lang masasabi namin, you'll always be a part of our journey. Our success will be yours too! Hehehe.

My Nth time in Davao, and it never tasted this sweet. Every visit becomes sweeter, I swear.

Kitanglad, tomorrow you shall be mine.

Gulalu Food Review